A rare video of Macho Man Randy Savage being interviewed and its so obvious that he is extremely high on cocaine or some other drug.
Mean Gene Is out of his league in this uncanny interview!
thanks Lardo
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
BICEPS
So, you've always wanted a pair of massive biceps, but are too lazy to hit the gym? Well, problem solved! Thanks to recent progress made in cosmetic surgery - you can choose to be like this guy, and purchase amazingly natural looking bicep implants.
Now you can hit the Jersey shore this summer with confidence.
Afrojacks
Now you can hit the Jersey shore this summer with confidence.
Afrojacks
Rudy The Cuban Gynecologist's USED CARS!
null - Watch more free videos
USA- the land of the free and home of the brave. The only country where a guy who has been practicing fixing vages his whole life can also sell used cars!
1-900 Commercials: The Internet's Greatest Casualty
The internet has changed the face of the world, and made that face full of porno and awesomeness. But, with the invention of the internet came the death of a few really awesome things. Most notably, the late night commercial for 1-900 numbers.Most of these consisted of shit like you see above; a shitty sax solo followed by some spokes girl who clearly came out to Hollywood to be an actress, then six months and several handjobs later, took this gig. In this commercial, it's as if the director said "Okay, when I call action, I want you to turn towards the camera like someone has just challenged you to see who could shit their pants fastest, but what they don't know is....you've already shit your pants."
But porn wasn't the only thing that a 900 number could access in the pre-internet world. With your parents' permission and a a dollar per minute, a person could access nearly anything their heart desired, from Nintendo tips to quick one-line insults. Sometimes you'd even have to call a 900 number just to figure out what the hell it was. Take "Freddy Freaker", for example- First of all, Freddy Freaker dances like he's a 78 year old man at a Bar Mitzvah. Secondly, if you were high and this commercial came on, there is absolutely NO WAY you couldn't call that number.
In it's heyday, the 900 number could cater to any need. But today the internet has taken these awesomely hilarious commercials and made websites for them. If you need to jack off, you don't stay up until one in the morning watching Police Academy 4 in hopes one of these commercials will run. You just type in what ever gives you a boner, and there's a site for it. But unfortunately, that means the rest of us don't get to watch these commercials. Instead, the commercials have morphed into shit like this:What the f*&k was that? Why was she fully clothed? Why is nothing about this commercial remotely sexy or hilarious? There's no saxaphone solo, instead there's some song that sounds like something they'd play during a montage from Family Matters where they all band together to rebuild the garage that Urkel accidentally drove his car through while Karl was gone. Late night commercials used to be something you could jerk off to, or laugh hysterically at, but the internet has eliminated the need for sexual encounters via phone and now all we're left with is the opportunity to call a fully clothed girl and have her laugh at you for $2.65 a minute.
Thanks holy taco!
But porn wasn't the only thing that a 900 number could access in the pre-internet world. With your parents' permission and a a dollar per minute, a person could access nearly anything their heart desired, from Nintendo tips to quick one-line insults. Sometimes you'd even have to call a 900 number just to figure out what the hell it was. Take "Freddy Freaker", for example- First of all, Freddy Freaker dances like he's a 78 year old man at a Bar Mitzvah. Secondly, if you were high and this commercial came on, there is absolutely NO WAY you couldn't call that number.
In it's heyday, the 900 number could cater to any need. But today the internet has taken these awesomely hilarious commercials and made websites for them. If you need to jack off, you don't stay up until one in the morning watching Police Academy 4 in hopes one of these commercials will run. You just type in what ever gives you a boner, and there's a site for it. But unfortunately, that means the rest of us don't get to watch these commercials. Instead, the commercials have morphed into shit like this:What the f*&k was that? Why was she fully clothed? Why is nothing about this commercial remotely sexy or hilarious? There's no saxaphone solo, instead there's some song that sounds like something they'd play during a montage from Family Matters where they all band together to rebuild the garage that Urkel accidentally drove his car through while Karl was gone. Late night commercials used to be something you could jerk off to, or laugh hysterically at, but the internet has eliminated the need for sexual encounters via phone and now all we're left with is the opportunity to call a fully clothed girl and have her laugh at you for $2.65 a minute.
Thanks holy taco!
ALYONKA LARIONOV IS A RUSSIAN HUSSY
This is Alyonka Larionov, shown with The Red Jesus, you might be familiar with. Ms. Larionov, who once earned a "golden ticket" in American Idol, happened to be the co-star of a Penguin-produced web segment last week co-starring Evgeni Malkin and a batch of homemade pierogies that became quite the instant internet sensation. Lets take a closer look at the young lady that calls former NHL star Igor Larionov "Dad".
The soon-to-be-22 year-old, who moved to Pittsburgh to attend The Art Institute and major in fashion retail management, joined Penguins TV in December. The "Cooking with Geno", which was premiered on the DChino article Don't Look at Malkin's Teeth You Will Probably Vomit, has over 58,000 views and counting just a few days after the release, and has created quite the buzz around the net.
So now that Pittsburgh is getting to know Larionov in greater numbers, what's up with her and Ovechkin? Says Larionov:
"I've known him since I was a kid. He asked me to go to the Awards with a large group of friends. I didn't think people would make such a big deal of that. I also took pictures with (Red Wings forward Pavel) Datsyuk, and no one said anything about me and Datsyuk. I've known him my whole life, too."
Larionov goes on to add that she thinks the relationship between Ovechkin and Malkin is fine, and that she would like to arrange for the two stars to join her in another cooking segment, a proposition that Malkin found acceptable.
Could Alyonka Larionov and some webcasted cooking broker a long-term peace treaty between the sometimes-feuding stars? Well, that sounds like a possibility. But if peace between Russian hockey greats was the goal, we probably could've used her last year:
Monday, March 30, 2009
Nugget Pimping - Australian Pimp Paid Teen Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets
Monday, March 30, 2009
Fox News
A 27-year-old Australian man who pimped a 16-year-old girl so he and his girlfriend could afford their apartment, would pay the schoolgirl with chicken nuggets, the Australian Associated Press reported.
Ronald Vikash Gander used the $4,500 the teen made for having sex with five middle-aged men in June of last year to pay the weekly $1,050 rent on his Brisbane apartment, the Brisbane District Court was told.
Gander and his 16-year-old girlfriend would pay the teen with an occasional box of chicken nuggets, the AAP reported.
"The girl was used as if she was a piece of meat ... and your conduct can properly be described as that of a sleaze merchant," Judge Marshall Irwin told Gander.
Gander pleaded guilty to one count each of knowingly participating in the provision of prostitution with a circumstance of aggravation and procuring prostitution with a circumstance of aggravation, the AAP reported.
Hockey Fight of the Week
DChino Presents the Hockey Fight of the Week!
This one came from last nights tilt between the Canucks and Hawks- Vancouver's Roberto Luongo turned aside 26 shots to earn his seventh shutout of the season in Sunday's 4-0 win over Chicago, but the highlight of the game was the epic line brawl that erupted at the 5:50 mark of the third period.
... go caps
This one came from last nights tilt between the Canucks and Hawks- Vancouver's Roberto Luongo turned aside 26 shots to earn his seventh shutout of the season in Sunday's 4-0 win over Chicago, but the highlight of the game was the epic line brawl that erupted at the 5:50 mark of the third period.
... go caps
Goodbye Mustache March...
DChino's buddy dated this girl in college who had a really hot sister who tragically had a mustache. She chose to bleach it which was definitely the wrong decision. Then one night this friend was having dinner at his girlfriend's parents house when he realized that her dad also had a mustache and her mom even had a peach fuzz stache going on as well and it really freaked him out. Just a little DChino story about mustaches
Good by Mustache March!
Good by Mustache March!
ShamPOW!
TV pitchman battered hooker in South Beach hotel room brawl
MARCH 27--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported.
In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling). =
Thanks and to Lard as well
George Washington
DChino has stumbled upon this strikingly accurate piece which documents the life and times of one of our nation's most beloved forefathers. As patriotic Americans, we feel obligated to share this information with our readers.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Fan Phones In Threats to NHL Team During Game
From SportsByBrook
And here I thought no one really cared about the Columbus Blue Jackets. But someone in central Ohio apparently feels passionate about the NHL club - passionate enough to make numerous threatening phone calls to the team during the middle of a game.
Last night, the Jackets doused the visiting Calgary Flames, 5-0, thanks in part to 33 saves by goalie Steve Mason. And it must have too much to take for Peter Stenzel (pictured above in one of the greatest mug shots ever). So, Pete decided to reach out and touch someone - with a whacked-out verbal assault.
Sometime between the end of the first period and the start of the second, the Blue Jackets got a series of calls, threatening a goaltender. [Ed. note - It wouldn’t be Steve, would it?] Using caller ID, police were led to the Dublin home of Peter Stenzel. Police describe him as “upset” and say he was wearing a Calgary Flames shirt.
Police should be glad Peter was wearing any shirt.
The ASSOCIATED PRESS adds word from Columbus Police Sgt. Rick Weiner (pronounced WINE-er’, thank you) that the 52-year-old Stenzel was arrested and charged with inducing panic for threatening physical harm against the team. Stenzel is being held in the Franklin County Jail while awaiting his court hearing on Saturday.
Like Oklahoma with football recruit Justin Chaisson, Blue Jackets officials are not commenting on the situation. And really, after taking a second look at that mug shot posted above, what else is there really to say?
And here I thought no one really cared about the Columbus Blue Jackets. But someone in central Ohio apparently feels passionate about the NHL club - passionate enough to make numerous threatening phone calls to the team during the middle of a game.
Last night, the Jackets doused the visiting Calgary Flames, 5-0, thanks in part to 33 saves by goalie Steve Mason. And it must have too much to take for Peter Stenzel (pictured above in one of the greatest mug shots ever). So, Pete decided to reach out and touch someone - with a whacked-out verbal assault.
Sometime between the end of the first period and the start of the second, the Blue Jackets got a series of calls, threatening a goaltender. [Ed. note - It wouldn’t be Steve, would it?] Using caller ID, police were led to the Dublin home of Peter Stenzel. Police describe him as “upset” and say he was wearing a Calgary Flames shirt.
Police should be glad Peter was wearing any shirt.
The ASSOCIATED PRESS adds word from Columbus Police Sgt. Rick Weiner (pronounced WINE-er’, thank you) that the 52-year-old Stenzel was arrested and charged with inducing panic for threatening physical harm against the team. Stenzel is being held in the Franklin County Jail while awaiting his court hearing on Saturday.
Like Oklahoma with football recruit Justin Chaisson, Blue Jackets officials are not commenting on the situation. And really, after taking a second look at that mug shot posted above, what else is there really to say?
Best Lacrosse E-Mail of All Time!
This just got in the hands of DChino. Probably one of the funniest Lacrosse related emails of all time. Prelude - Jessie Painter just graduated college and is looking to join a club lacrosse team in San Francisco California.
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 3:37 PM
Subject: lacrosse team
Hey my name is Jesse Painter I have been trying to get onto a Mens Lax team for a while now that I recently graduated NDNU last Spring. You probably don’t want any young guns on your team but I am telling you I can probably out sprint any player on your team and can hit top cheese on the run everytime. This is probably not a good way to start off but I have talent and if it wasn’t for the recent collapse in the MLL SF dragons squad id probably be playing d mid hanging out with Doug Locker and Joe Romano. Anyhow, I know your season is about to start but I would like a chance to play with you guys. I have played you guys before at NDNU and you have some very talented players. As for my stature and skills Im 24 years old 6-3 205 and still in lacrosse shape. I am ambidextrous w/ 92mph lefty and a matching righty. I have great COD and Lax knowledge. I played Midfield frosh and sophomore year and then played attack at X for junior and senior year. I have played with the best as my roommates 2 of them are in the NLL and all I wish is that I can continue 2 play at a high level. I have played 1 game w/ Olympic club, but truthfully they stink and I don’t want to play with those ballhogs. I also recently played w/ USA west in the Japan Friendship games. Anyways, if you don’t want to add me to your team that is fine but I would like to play at least some games with your team. I am at a loss here in Cali where there are no leagues or teams and very limited skill. I have been coaching High School lately and have worked with Warrior for 4 years alongside Lorne Smith & Mike Watkins and have also worked numerous camps with Tim Booth and Eric Martin. To wrap it up, I know lacrosse players are cocky sons of bitches who don’t give a sh*t about anything but I would really appreciate a response back. Thanks and Good Luck This season
J
For his NDNU Bio please click here-
Booze Party Gets Girls’ Soccer Team Suspended
If you really think female athletes can’t hang with the guys in any aspect of sports, you’ve clearly never been to a party thrown by a girls’ team. So props to one high school soccer team for doing their gender, youth sports and — oh heck — America proud by throwing a raging kegger that got three-fourths of the team suspended.Lake Braddock HS, in the DC suburbs, is the alma mater of Mia Hamm and DCSleez has won two of the last three state titles. They’re also All-Americans when it comes to hitting the bottle; 16 members of the girls varsity squad were punished in the wake of a party where the only non-team invitees were named Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.
The party is apparently an annual tradition to welcome the freshmen, and anyone who’s played professional sports can tell you that the sacred initiation rituals cannot be performed sober.
“It’s a situation that we’re faced with and we’ll just work our way through it one day at a time,” said Bruins Coach Adam Soos, who would not discuss specifics about the incident and would not name the players involved. “Some choices were made, some consequences were dealt, and we’re coping with it day by day.”
Soos said he wouldn’t name the players involved, but since 16 of the 22 girls on the roster were suspended for a month, just pick a name at random and the odds are pretty good she was throwing them back like a champ.
Lest you fear that six girls weren’t cool enough to drink, the article says they only missed the party because they were in Las Vegas at the time.
Lake Braddock won their season opener 3-0, but since the suspensions, they’ve been shut out 14-0 over three games, and had to call up JV players to fill out the roster. One can only hope they held another party to welcome the JV girls to the squad.
Thanks SportsByBrooks!
The party is apparently an annual tradition to welcome the freshmen, and anyone who’s played professional sports can tell you that the sacred initiation rituals cannot be performed sober.
“It’s a situation that we’re faced with and we’ll just work our way through it one day at a time,” said Bruins Coach Adam Soos, who would not discuss specifics about the incident and would not name the players involved. “Some choices were made, some consequences were dealt, and we’re coping with it day by day.”
Soos said he wouldn’t name the players involved, but since 16 of the 22 girls on the roster were suspended for a month, just pick a name at random and the odds are pretty good she was throwing them back like a champ.
Lest you fear that six girls weren’t cool enough to drink, the article says they only missed the party because they were in Las Vegas at the time.
Lake Braddock won their season opener 3-0, but since the suspensions, they’ve been shut out 14-0 over three games, and had to call up JV players to fill out the roster. One can only hope they held another party to welcome the JV girls to the squad.
Thanks SportsByBrooks!
DCHINO's ASIAN Video of the Day
DCHINO's boy SL wrote this -
"I understand that this isn't offensive because the girls singing it are Asian and go to an Ivy League school, but I think that also means that as a non-Asian, I can be offended by this. I'm not, but I think I'd be justified if I were. Great job ladies. I hope you all find special man to love you long time (their words, not mine)."
HAHAHAHHAHAHA!
"I understand that this isn't offensive because the girls singing it are Asian and go to an Ivy League school, but I think that also means that as a non-Asian, I can be offended by this. I'm not, but I think I'd be justified if I were. Great job ladies. I hope you all find special man to love you long time (their words, not mine)."
HAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Harlin Williams @ DC Improv
Last night DChino, Randy Savage, Ted Hanson (4th member of the group Hanson), along with the Norwegian and Estonian ambassadors were invited to go see Harlin Williams at the DC Improv on Connecticut Ave. You may know Harlin Williams as the Cop in Dumb and Dumber "Sucking Back on Grandpa's ol' cough medicine eh?" or the roommate who goes to jail in Half Baked. This guy blew our minds, his stage presence was uncanny. Midway through the show the Estonian ambassador had to change his underpants because his laughter caused him to piss his pants.
Harlin Williams will be there for approx. 4 more days, we strongly suggest seeing him live if you get the opportunity.
Here is a lil clip of him as the nutty 7 minute ab's hitchhiker in There's Something About Mary-
Harlin Williams will be there for approx. 4 more days, we strongly suggest seeing him live if you get the opportunity.
Here is a lil clip of him as the nutty 7 minute ab's hitchhiker in There's Something About Mary-
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Fox News Compares Government to Rape- Rightfully So!
DChino is a big fan of clever analogies. This one that aired on Fox News the other day is both extreme and clever. Too over the top? You decide!That’s a ballsy freaking analogy. DChino knows what its like to get raped by a guy in an Uncle Sam costume. But when you pass at a fourth of July picnic, there are some expectations that you concede. Even if it is all family members. DChino was asking for it with DChino's coy smiles and friendly banter.
DChino think it’s probably not okay for Fox News to be making rape jokes. I mean, I make rape jokes and no one is like, “Oh, well, you’re a legitimate news source.” But Fox is. They get quoted and cited and stuff. DChino's question is, if Fox News is making rape jokes, how long until DChino break a major story? Answer: Probably never, unless the story involves rape jokes. Good talk.
Thanks Blog of Hilarity!
DChino think it’s probably not okay for Fox News to be making rape jokes. I mean, I make rape jokes and no one is like, “Oh, well, you’re a legitimate news source.” But Fox is. They get quoted and cited and stuff. DChino's question is, if Fox News is making rape jokes, how long until DChino break a major story? Answer: Probably never, unless the story involves rape jokes. Good talk.
Thanks Blog of Hilarity!
Rihanna's New Tat!
Please feel free to insert any domestic violence joke here_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !
I mean if she was really going to do something symbolic to her body why not a fist tattoo on her eye?
Still she's got it going on-
Don't Look Directly at Malkin's Teeth... You Might Vomit!
Evgeni "Geno" Malkin, who recently has come out of the closet to start his own cooking show, should not be MVP or even have a chance over Ovechkin.
In the meantime, watch this video and try not to look at this idiots poor dental hygene. If you dare, look at his teeth and the shit food he makes - it could end with you standing in a pool of vomit.
David is Back
Since there has been too many animal videos lately... we have decided to bring in some real humans to this next one. Nobody is more like a human than the one, and only, David Byrne. Usually, you will hear some old DB being blasted out of every house and car in Glover Park, but this new age shit hasn't really hit yet.
DChino was once embraced by DB, he said two complete sentences to DChino. Broner.
The BPA ft David Byrne & Dizzee Rascal - ToeJam from teamworld on Vimeo.
DChino was once embraced by DB, he said two complete sentences to DChino. Broner.
The BPA ft David Byrne & Dizzee Rascal - ToeJam from teamworld on Vimeo.
Threesome Squirrels
DChino is inclined to think that animals having sex is the hottest…um…funniest thing around. Check out this extremely awkward threesome between squirrels.
DChino will tell you what…it’s never a good sign n a threesome when you can’t tell who’s the male and who’s the female or who’s getting fucked or doing the fucking. That’s how people get hurt, both physically and emotionally.
Also an animated version of this was probably a deleted scene from the filming of Rescue Rangers. Poor Gadget. Always getting gangbanged.
thanks blog of hilarity!
DChino will tell you what…it’s never a good sign n a threesome when you can’t tell who’s the male and who’s the female or who’s getting fucked or doing the fucking. That’s how people get hurt, both physically and emotionally.
Also an animated version of this was probably a deleted scene from the filming of Rescue Rangers. Poor Gadget. Always getting gangbanged.
thanks blog of hilarity!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Narcoleptic Dog
This one really tows a line between adorable and tragic. Meet Skeeter. He’s a dog. He enjoys licking his own balls, frolicking, and passing out randomly in the middle of tasks. What a cutie-
DChino's Japanese Video of the Day
This article was written by our friends at WarmingGlow-
Cat Sh*t One is a manga comic — released in the U.S. as Apocalypse Meow — about three adorable little fluffy bunnies who comprise an elite military unit. And in case you weren’t aware that Japan is the world’s leading exporter of Awesome, it’s going to be made into a totally-serious animated series
The 12-episode anime series of “real and fierce combat by cute and fluffy animals” updates the manga’s premise by making the three soldiers part of a modern private military company. In the first episode, the three attempt to rescue hostages, but end up surrounded by guerrillas demanding the withdrawal of United States Armed Forces in the area…
The project is still in the planning stages, and the studio is still looking for investors.
I’m prepared to write a check for everything I own. This combines the two things I love most in the world: fluffy animals and brutal violence. A sniper bunny delivering a perfect pink-mist head shot to a camel is everything I’ve ever wanted to see. I’ve said it before, but it’s never been more true: Japan, you complete me.
Cat Sh*t One is a manga comic — released in the U.S. as Apocalypse Meow — about three adorable little fluffy bunnies who comprise an elite military unit. And in case you weren’t aware that Japan is the world’s leading exporter of Awesome, it’s going to be made into a totally-serious animated series
The 12-episode anime series of “real and fierce combat by cute and fluffy animals” updates the manga’s premise by making the three soldiers part of a modern private military company. In the first episode, the three attempt to rescue hostages, but end up surrounded by guerrillas demanding the withdrawal of United States Armed Forces in the area…
The project is still in the planning stages, and the studio is still looking for investors.
I’m prepared to write a check for everything I own. This combines the two things I love most in the world: fluffy animals and brutal violence. A sniper bunny delivering a perfect pink-mist head shot to a camel is everything I’ve ever wanted to see. I’ve said it before, but it’s never been more true: Japan, you complete me.
Darkon of the Day- DCsleez
Late last night, DChino was given word that a site we had never heard of before was writing some pretty negative things about us and Slow Eff, our friendly rivals from NYC (who have their own retort). We did a little research and found a little information about this ill willed blogger. DCsleez, other wise know as Mitch Prager, is a 38 year old bachelor living in the Green Acres apartment complex in Rockville Maryland. The Gaithersburg High (second from right prom picture '88) and Scranton University grad lives with his two cats and loves to come down to DC on weekends to spy on the girls at Town Hall. Yesterday, Prager had absolutely nothing to write about for 12 hours or so - other than the Easter Egg Roll and us. Kinda funny, because DCSleez (i.e ."Mitch") claims to be "Cooler and Meaner" than any one, while "Partying Harder" simultaneously. Well have fun partying hard at the Easter Egg Roll Mitch. DCsleez, who lives only a few short miles away from the Shady Grove metro stop on the Red Line, usually has to be on the train before 12 on week days. Unlucky for him, he works weekends at the local Honey Baked Hams store in Rockville, so he rarely gets the opportunity to make it down to the District on Saturday nights.
Listen DCsleez, leave the humor to us. Clearly you take a lot of pride in your work and you must have a good amount of traffic because you gave us 12 whole visitors by linking us to your site - awesome. Maybe find a new hobby? If we decide to come up to Dave and Busters in Whiteflint than you can start the bashing, until then please don't waste our time.
Here is Mitch hanging out with his friends at the last Darkon event - 
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
RAD-
This is DChino's favorite movie of all time. We would like to share a classic scene from this title for our entire audience.
TOP 10 DC Socialite List
Capitol File creates a top 10 List!
A recent list by Capitol File has been a blockbuster for DC's finest, young, cubicaled, and bored locals. CF came up with a top 10 list of DC's Top Ten Socialites, all of which are smoking hot! We only have one SLIGHT discrepancy, here's the list;
10. Maureen O'Connor-
9. Bambi Osborne -
8. Kate Marie Grinold-
7. Katherine Kennedy -
6. Gina Jun -
5.Kate Michael-
4 Lindley Thornburg -
3 Alexa Johnson-
2.Pamela Sorensen-
1.Andrea Rodgers -
Congratulations #1 you have again proven that being annoying and twittering all day will lead to social changes and new beginnings. Hopefully those poor young inner city kids will learn valuable lessons from you teaching them how to play polo.
A recent list by Capitol File has been a blockbuster for DC's finest, young, cubicaled, and bored locals. CF came up with a top 10 list of DC's Top Ten Socialites, all of which are smoking hot! We only have one SLIGHT discrepancy, here's the list;
10. Maureen O'Connor-
9. Bambi Osborne -
8. Kate Marie Grinold-
7. Katherine Kennedy -
6. Gina Jun -
5.Kate Michael-
4 Lindley Thornburg -
3 Alexa Johnson-
2.Pamela Sorensen-
1.Andrea Rodgers -
Congratulations #1 you have again proven that being annoying and twittering all day will lead to social changes and new beginnings. Hopefully those poor young inner city kids will learn valuable lessons from you teaching them how to play polo.
Drunk Idiot- Classic Video
DChino is reaching back to the old school here. There are very few words in the english language that can describe the awesomeness that this video encompasses so DChino will simply say, this is the video of the week. -
Oh, and nice jean shorts.....pants?
Oh, and nice jean shorts.....pants?
The Penguin Strikes again- This time in a Virus
The Penguin, who is currently in a holding cell in the basement of his parents house, is awaiting a sentence that could land him behind bars for several years. He has been accused of crimes including public urination outside a DC social event, yelling at young coeds for touching his white '99 Land Rover Discovery, plagiarizing for a political blog, and much more. Unfortunately, it looks like this Penguin can not be cooled down, he has found a way to strike again even from within the confines of his basement cave.
The Penguin has been blasting viruses across the web through a new and annoying method called FAN IQ. Although, one must be either 1) mentally handicapped to be dumb enough to open this, or 2) so socially deprived that they are in need of an urgent message from ambiguous entities such as MARK N. or MIKE S. or MARIE. W. Who the hell would open such a message? Well, the Penguin has had some success with this horrible virus.
We at DChino are working day in and day out towards getting this nonflying, fish-eating beast behind bars. In the meantime, do not open the virus he sends! If you receive a letter in the mail with this stationary- please do not open!
DChino
Sporcle
"Can you name all the U.S. presidents?"
Sporcle.com - a Web site full of "mentally stimulating diversions" in the form of quiz-style games - has asked this and many other questions to millions of users, including much of the Boston College campus. The site's 1,110 quizzes are split into 14 categories ranging from movies to religion to gaming.
Matt Ramme, a 1997 graduate of Carnegie Mellon, is probably the only person from Pittsburgh DChino likes. He created this amazing site which not only helps people working in cubicles feel competitive, but also helps them realize their true potential!
Give it a try-
1/2 Price
Meet the hottest new internet rapping sensation "1/2 Price." 1/2 Price is the world's first rapper with no legs and he claims that if you take a picture of his brain you'll find out he's insane. 1/2 Price likes to play video games, eat pizza and hooking up with blonde girls that have two legs. DChino feels horrible about poking fun at 1/2 Price but someone had to do it.
Look Before You Leap!
Here are some words from this woman just after the fall-
"I don't understand why we don't wear diapers our entire lives? We get to wear them as babies and when we're really old, but for some reason society decided we shouldn't wear them during our formative years. They seem like they're really comfortable and we could all use a little extra padding for our butts everyday. If we wore diapers our whole lives those unexpected fart accidents wouldn't be such a big deal anymore and we'd all be spared those embarrassing moments where other people catch a glimpse of our poopy stained underwear on the floor our of bedroom. I wonder if I should get congress involved on this one?" thanks manofest
CHOKE ON THAT BABAYY! Shooter McGavin Still Getting The Babes.
It’s been 13 years since Happy Gilmore made its cinematic debut, but that hasn’t stopped the Shooter (just turned 54) phenomenon.
We’ve discovered dozens of photos where Shooter is using his old magic on women who were in elementary school when he was hitting irons against Adam Sandler.
That, folks, is called longevity.
In case you’d like to see more of Shooter’s work, may we suggest American Pie Beta House where he plays Mr. Stifler.
Or if you’d like to go back a little further into the Shooter library, 2006’s classic American Pie The Naked Mile might be more to your liking where he also plays Mr. Stifler.
You get the idea. Shooter’s life is better than yours.
thanks to bustedcoverage!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Shaq is back
Shaq was once hated on DCHINO but after this little stunt, he is bumped back up a notch or two!
Friendly Fires 930 club
The Friendly Fires will be playing along with fellow Brits, the White Lies, tomorrow night at D.C.'s very own, Black Cat club. The DChino crew will be in attendance with, perhaps, an appearance by DCHINO himself. Here are two singles from FF, DChino's music picks of the day:
Friendly Fires - Skeleton boy
Friendly Fires - Jump in the Pool
Friendly Fires - Skeleton boy
Friendly Fires - Jump in the Pool
Baltimore Rant
The following message was written in by DChino's Baltimore office. DChino feels like this typical Baltimore view message is pretty much on point, although not entirely that of their own (ZZ TOP is GOD).
Preakness is run by the dumbest bunch of morons. These jackasses could work for Congresswoman Corrine Brown , they're that dumb. You complain about not having enough attendance to support your racetrack, so what do you do? You ban drinking in the infield which is the only reason why people went to see your fucking race in the first place. Listen, no one cares about gay-ass horses or the little anorexic idiots that ride them. Horses are better off in catfood. The only reason people went to the race was to get wild. Who is going to pay a 50 dollar cover to buy 5 dollar beers. Oh you are going to put on a ZZ Top concert and have a womens volleyball tournement? ZZ Top, although an incredible band, can not compare to some fat drunk fat kid playing the xylophone with his man tits. As for women's volleyball, it cant compare to seeing the tattooed breasts of 30-40 over age over weight women from Dundalk Maryland. Example- I hope you go out of business and your horses are made into dog food. To preakness management, thank you for ruining one of baltimore's past times, you stupid peta faggot. Now we have to spend the next couple months in search of an open field that we won't need to pay $50 just to get into and drink.
Preakness is run by the dumbest bunch of morons. These jackasses could work for Congresswoman Corrine Brown , they're that dumb. You complain about not having enough attendance to support your racetrack, so what do you do? You ban drinking in the infield which is the only reason why people went to see your fucking race in the first place. Listen, no one cares about gay-ass horses or the little anorexic idiots that ride them. Horses are better off in catfood. The only reason people went to the race was to get wild. Who is going to pay a 50 dollar cover to buy 5 dollar beers. Oh you are going to put on a ZZ Top concert and have a womens volleyball tournement? ZZ Top, although an incredible band, can not compare to some fat drunk fat kid playing the xylophone with his man tits. As for women's volleyball, it cant compare to seeing the tattooed breasts of 30-40 over age over weight women from Dundalk Maryland. Example- I hope you go out of business and your horses are made into dog food. To preakness management, thank you for ruining one of baltimore's past times, you stupid peta faggot. Now we have to spend the next couple months in search of an open field that we won't need to pay $50 just to get into and drink.
CAP DARKONS INVADE CAROLINA
DChino feels like it is our duty to point out some of the hard work and dedication some Capitals nerdy fans displayed this weekend as the hundred or so red Darkons invaded Raleigh for Saturday's loss to the Hurricanes. Who says D.C. fans don't travel? The trip was organized by the Caps Fan Club (please look at the website to learn more about them ha!) , and these being Caps fans, there was at least one Crosby Sucks jersey, approx 34 mohawks, 20 pocket protectors, about 45 capes, and a positive count of 228 goatees and shaved bald heads. One was even clever enough to fashion some sort of helmet device.
Also showing up for the pre-game tailgate: Slapshot, Joe Beninati, Steve Kolbe and Brett Leonhardt. The latter, as usual, signing autographs. 
The trip was organized with the support of a 'Canes Booster Club, and the seething subplot included a possible playoff meeting between the two squads, when perhaps they'd be less likely to break bread together. But after so many dang stories about Pittsburghers in D.C., and all the people who hate and are hated by Caps fans, this was just a nice sunny day in Raleigh.
Gilbert Set to Return on Saturday
This just in, via Comcast SportsNet’s Andy Siegel:
CSN’s Chris Miller has received word from Gilbert Arenas that he will make his season debut on Saturday vs. Detroit.
Well then. Eleven months after his last game, there’s reason to watch the Wizards again, other than their pursuit of epic failure, that is.
Here’s the text message Arenas sent to Miller:
“Ur the first to get the truth. I’m playing Saturday against Detroit. And I’m only playin home games, but I will play in Cleveland. Me and Cleveland fans have this love hate relation.”
THE 10 MOST EMBARRASSING "BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS" CELEBRITY COMMERCIALS
#10 Lindsay Lohan (Jello) - This is a lesson for all of you ladies out there. If you eat Jello and befriend Bill Cosby at a very young age, you too can grow up to be super hot with large breasts and have a severe drinking problem.
#9 Evangeline Lilly (Live Links) - I'd like to think that Evangeline charged Dominic Monaghan $0.99 a minute to hang out with her while they dated. I that was true, the world would make so much more sense.
#8 Leonardo DiCaprio (Bubble Yum) - It's easy to look cool while chewing gum when you're thinking about all of the hot supermodels you're going to have sex with when you get older.
#7 Sarah Michelle Gellar (Burger King) - Wait a second, so this means that Sarah Michelle Gellar isn't a natural blonde? She lied to us!
#6 Seth Green (Nerf Slingshot) - Seth really does give hope to all of the ugly Ginger kids out there who think their lives have no meaning. It's false hope, but it's hope nonetheless.
#5 Jack Black (Pitfall) - See kids, fat and stupid is a way to go through life.
#4 Keanu Reeves (Corn Flakes) - This is the part where I'm supposed to write funny commentary about how bad of an actor Keanu Reeves is and how bad his acting is in this commercial. I'd rather talk about my favorite type of boobs. My favorite boobs are the one's that look like two Italian submarine sandwiches when you push them together.
#3 Ben Affleck (Burger King) - You have to give Ben Affleck credit, he really did master the art of the douche at a very young age. Don't worry, he's still going to burn in hell when it's all said and done.
#2 Jason Alexander (McDonald's) - This is definitely the one time in George Constanza's career that he should've done the complete opposite.
#1 John Travolta (Safeguard Bath Soap) - Apparently John Travolta's rumored path towards homosexuality started with him getting paid to shower with men back in the 70's.
Thanks to manofest!
#9 Evangeline Lilly (Live Links) - I'd like to think that Evangeline charged Dominic Monaghan $0.99 a minute to hang out with her while they dated. I that was true, the world would make so much more sense.
#8 Leonardo DiCaprio (Bubble Yum) - It's easy to look cool while chewing gum when you're thinking about all of the hot supermodels you're going to have sex with when you get older.
#7 Sarah Michelle Gellar (Burger King) - Wait a second, so this means that Sarah Michelle Gellar isn't a natural blonde? She lied to us!
#6 Seth Green (Nerf Slingshot) - Seth really does give hope to all of the ugly Ginger kids out there who think their lives have no meaning. It's false hope, but it's hope nonetheless.
#5 Jack Black (Pitfall) - See kids, fat and stupid is a way to go through life.
#4 Keanu Reeves (Corn Flakes) - This is the part where I'm supposed to write funny commentary about how bad of an actor Keanu Reeves is and how bad his acting is in this commercial. I'd rather talk about my favorite type of boobs. My favorite boobs are the one's that look like two Italian submarine sandwiches when you push them together.
#3 Ben Affleck (Burger King) - You have to give Ben Affleck credit, he really did master the art of the douche at a very young age. Don't worry, he's still going to burn in hell when it's all said and done.
#2 Jason Alexander (McDonald's) - This is definitely the one time in George Constanza's career that he should've done the complete opposite.
#1 John Travolta (Safeguard Bath Soap) - Apparently John Travolta's rumored path towards homosexuality started with him getting paid to shower with men back in the 70's.
Thanks to manofest!
BEING UNFRESH IS FRESH
So here's the deal, if you're at the bar and you meet a girl who's relatively hot and a fake blonde, you're on the right track. Now lets say you convince her to come back to your place. When she agrees to do this, make sure a midget follows you back to your place and he convinces her to show her boobies for some free cheese ravioli. At that point you will observe that her boobies are rather unattractive and not worth fighting for. This is why we need midgets around us at all times because hot girls will always do whatever a midget says.
Thanks to Manofest for this one!
Thanks to Manofest for this one!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
SURPRISE!!!! WWF Was BOTH Gay & Racist!
The following video takes us back to better days, back to days when the WWF was run by closet homosexuals and horrible racists. Does this make us horrible for watching?.... yes.
Darkon Caps Fan Of the Day- EFF MY LIFE
Today we sat down with Eric Timmons of Fairfax Virginia who usually sits in section 423 in the Verizon Center for Washington Capitals home games. Many of his closest friends know him as Baron Bannor, Knight Baronet, from his weekly Darkon role playing games.
We decided to ask Eric a few questions about his daily life and this is what we came up with.DChino: Hows work going Eric
Eric: Today, I received an e-mail from the guys at work. It was an invite to lunch but It said, "Lunch today at Clydes, PLEASE don't tell Eric, I don't think any of us can take any more of him!" I am Eric.
DChino: Thats too bad Eric, well at least you have a son to come home to. How is he?
Eric: Today, my son looked out of the window and said "what's that piece of shit doing on our driveway?" It was the new car we were trying to surprise him with on his 16th birthday.
Dchino: What a horrible situation, I think its time for you to take a vacation
Eric: Well, yesterday I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her pubic hair.
DChino: This conversation is over.
Debating Whether to Bring Mom w/u 2 Spring Break?
If for some awful reason you are debating whether or not to bring your mom to spring break, please take 30 seconds and learn why it is a terrible idea. This past year, Slow Eff, brought their mother to Cancun for Spring Break '08.
This is what happened-
This is what happened-
Hey, We Saw Your Mom During Spring Break - watch more funny videos
Peter Bjorn and John Video wins 2009 DChino Music Video of the Year
Congratulations to Peter Bjorn and John for winning the coveted DChino Music Video of the year-
After a long selection process DChino has decided that the over the hill Japanese greaser gang, who devoted their lives and hair to the making of this video, are the 2009 winners- enjoy-
After a long selection process DChino has decided that the over the hill Japanese greaser gang, who devoted their lives and hair to the making of this video, are the 2009 winners- enjoy-
Miss A - Sorry We DChino had to
Last night DChino decided that we were going to stop bashing Miss A. It was getting a little out of hand and we really just wanted to get back to focusing on the lighter side of life. Stupid videos of people falling, a music video here or there, or maybe a funny story about the Georgetown Penguin being on the run, BUT, early this morning Miss A decided to post another status and the peace was briefly put on hold.
Andrea Rodgers- Take a look at Dutch news coverage of the Pink Slip Party & learn about my Dutch heritage http://ping.fm/DKXVy
Again, DChino must ask this idiot self promoting hag, "WHO GIVES A SHIT!"
Miss A, yes, you have a smoking hot body for a 50 year old, but this doesn't give you the right to be an idiot. DC is the city of Alexander Ovechkin, the city of Barak Obama, the city of Mike Delgrande, Kevin Giblin, and Rob Bordley - the city of Dan Snyder, Cooley's booty shorts, and the city of Hot Chicks. PLEASE do not come to our city from your little town in some far way land and pretend like we should give an eff! Your Dutch ancestry can garggle the Lithuanian ambassadors' dogs' balls.
DChino
Presets 930 Club
If you havent heard of the Presets, well then you're stupid. Lucky for you they are coming to the 930 Club in a few days, so you're all set on learning about their incredible sound.
After the runaway success of 2005’s, "Beams", The Presets are back with "Apocalypso," serving up more goosebump-inducing electro magic. All DChino says is this: tie your shit down, because you’re going to lose it very promptly if you don’t.
"Kicking and Screaming" opens the album with that familiar, crisp, snarling snare, and as the intro steadily builds, you’ll start to wish you’d heeded my warning about 'securing your shit'.
DChino will be at the show.
Here is a hilarious video of theirs My People-
After the runaway success of 2005’s, "Beams", The Presets are back with "Apocalypso," serving up more goosebump-inducing electro magic. All DChino says is this: tie your shit down, because you’re going to lose it very promptly if you don’t.
"Kicking and Screaming" opens the album with that familiar, crisp, snarling snare, and as the intro steadily builds, you’ll start to wish you’d heeded my warning about 'securing your shit'.
DChino will be at the show.
Here is a hilarious video of theirs My People-
Midget is back LIVE
Remember DChino's boy Keenan, the little lip-syncing, agent-having Chicago 15-year-old who fake-sang his way into all of our hearts? Last week, he made (what appears to be a surprise) live appearance on a local Chicago morning weather segment, and it wasn't an interview, it was a performance! Anyone who is having a crappy day today will DEFINITELY SMILE at this. Another day-maker:
WEEZIN THE JUUUUUICE 2
In the words of the immortal Joey Russo: whoa! Pauly Shore, the rich man's Jamie Kennedy (or is it the old man's Jamie Kennedy?) has a new movie coming out called Adopted and it looks insane. Here's the trailer, you guys:
"ADOPTED" - Movie Trailer (2009)
Huh? And DChino has a follow-up question: what?
What is this? Who is this for? Like, DChino thinks the celebrity trend of adopting African babies is definitely ripe for parody and/or thoughtful critique, but is Pauly Shore really the guy to do it? Even if he was the person to do it, and he is not the person to do it, this movie is all over the place. Is the person who thinks, for example, that his Pauly Shorenuts's HIV joke is hilarious the same person who thinks "You know, I never really thought about the ways in which American intervention in the third world is as much a systemic cause of some of their intractable problems as it is in any way a solution"? No. The person who's going to find his shitty HIV joke hilarious is going to fart into the couch and fall asleep halfway through because "all that stuff about that fat kid was boring. Let's go to GameStop and get a copy of Blood Fountain 2." I'm all for confronting audiences with the truths they're unwilling to see, but this is Pauly Shore. The only truths he can shed any light on are how sweet the nuggs are and who exactly is the weasel, buuuuuuudy. The last documentary he made was called Bio-Dome and it was about how he's retarded.
thanks to videogum for this!
"ADOPTED" - Movie Trailer (2009)
Huh? And DChino has a follow-up question: what?
What is this? Who is this for? Like, DChino thinks the celebrity trend of adopting African babies is definitely ripe for parody and/or thoughtful critique, but is Pauly Shore really the guy to do it? Even if he was the person to do it, and he is not the person to do it, this movie is all over the place. Is the person who thinks, for example, that his Pauly Shorenuts's HIV joke is hilarious the same person who thinks "You know, I never really thought about the ways in which American intervention in the third world is as much a systemic cause of some of their intractable problems as it is in any way a solution"? No. The person who's going to find his shitty HIV joke hilarious is going to fart into the couch and fall asleep halfway through because "all that stuff about that fat kid was boring. Let's go to GameStop and get a copy of Blood Fountain 2." I'm all for confronting audiences with the truths they're unwilling to see, but this is Pauly Shore. The only truths he can shed any light on are how sweet the nuggs are and who exactly is the weasel, buuuuuuudy. The last documentary he made was called Bio-Dome and it was about how he's retarded.
thanks to videogum for this!
Talented Walrus
Dchino would be lying if he said he was doing the correct amount of work he should be doing today due to March Madness so, fuck it, here’s a walrus who can play a saxophone.
Seeing this walrus play the saxophone and dance really makes me feel like DChino hasn't accomplished anything in life. Granted, He is not a walrus who’s undoubtedly being fed buckets full of dead fish every day just to even get the behavioral training to pick up the saxophone, but still. I mean, I like fish. And I also enjoy jazzy tunes and having a handlebar mustache. Yet here I am in a cubicle like an asshole while walruses (walrii?) are out there getting all the fish and sexy walrusjazz groupies. So basically if you see a walrus out there with his jazzy beret and saxophone case, feel free to punch him for DChino. What’s he going to do, play some muzak back at you? He’ll do nothing and like it.
Thanks BlogofHilarity!
Seeing this walrus play the saxophone and dance really makes me feel like DChino hasn't accomplished anything in life. Granted, He is not a walrus who’s undoubtedly being fed buckets full of dead fish every day just to even get the behavioral training to pick up the saxophone, but still. I mean, I like fish. And I also enjoy jazzy tunes and having a handlebar mustache. Yet here I am in a cubicle like an asshole while walruses (walrii?) are out there getting all the fish and sexy walrusjazz groupies. So basically if you see a walrus out there with his jazzy beret and saxophone case, feel free to punch him for DChino. What’s he going to do, play some muzak back at you? He’ll do nothing and like it.
Thanks BlogofHilarity!
The Penguin Escaped
DChino readers,
We regret to inform you, but the infamous Potomac Penguin has escaped from house arrest from the confines of his parents basement bedroom.
Early Friday morning at approximately 12:30 A.M. the Penguins family noticed that there was loud noises coming from the basement. They assumed it was the Penguin exploring his body the way he does ever so often since his arrest. Moments later they saw an Antarctica White Land Rover burning rubber out of the drive way. The Penguin was last spotted listening to cliche Talking Heads songs while scarfing down tropical flavored skittles and washing it down with a bottle of Yoohoo.
If anyone knows anything in regards to the Penguin's location, please do not hesitate in calling the police. DChino has already set up undercover surveillance teams in Greek Basketball Gyms, Steak and Egg on Wisconsin, Good Guys, Breadsoda, and Royal Palace.
Please don't be a hero, call the police if you see this horrible creature.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage
With spring cleaning just around the corner, DChino recommends that you get into contact with our good friend, Toby Jones, for all your moving and storage needs.
Just tell him DChino sent you.
Just tell him DChino sent you.
Dear Miss A, No one gives an EFF
Dear Miss A Blog,
Everyday DChino signs on to Facebook and immediatly DChino sees some worthelss event you are promoting. DChino usually just scrolls down the page and says, "wow you really suck" - Today was one of those days - but, unfortunatly, your Pink Slip Party turned out to be the straw that broke the camal's back. No one cares that you got a call from a Dutch journalist or that your family in Holland is "tickled pink" by your Pink Slip Party. Since DChino knows that no one cares, the question is WHY? Why are people inundated with your silly causes (Polo for Inner City Kids), and the answer is simple; shamless self promotion syndrome. Shameless Self Promotion Syndrome has evolved from the forums of LateNightShots, where your stupid comments about girls weight and marriage advice (wait are you married, NO) went un-checked into a full-fledged blog of uselessness. It is this uselessness that DChino must point out and stop.
When you stop DChino will stop...
Ying-Yangese
The Ying-Yang Twins on MTV’s Cribs: Translated
ShareThis
Our friends at BlogofHilarity conjured up this video of gibberish-speaking rap duo The Ying Yang Twins on Cribs with a helpful translation. Because, shocking, people with 700 pounds of gold in their mouths and a third grade education aren’t so easy to understand.
ShareThis
Our friends at BlogofHilarity conjured up this video of gibberish-speaking rap duo The Ying Yang Twins on Cribs with a helpful translation. Because, shocking, people with 700 pounds of gold in their mouths and a third grade education aren’t so easy to understand.
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