DChino's Ode to 2 Girls 1 Cup

E=MC Vagina

Roe vs. Wade

This documentary describes the way race, class, and gender is currently displayed in the United States. From the onset, the film delves into the great debate of Roe vs. Wade. Roe v. Wade held that a mother may abort her pregnancy for any reason, up until the "point at which the fetus becomes viable.’" The Court defined viable as being "potentially able to live outside the mother's womb, albeit with artificial aid. Viability is usually placed at about seven months (28 weeks) but may occur earlier, even at 24 weeks."[1] The Court also held that abortion after viability must be available when needed to protect a woman's health, which the Court defined broadly in the companion case of Doe v. Bolton. These rulings affected laws in 46 states.[3]

Enjoy-

Steroids In DC Sports

By SAMARA SODOS

LAKELAND - Deputies said they have plenty of evidence that Richard Thomas and his wife, Sandra, were big-time steroid dealers. At a Tuesday night news conference announcing their arrest, Polk County sheriff's officials were surrounded by thousands of doses of anabolic steroids.

What investigators aren't sure of is whether Richard Thomas, 35, is telling the truth when he said he is the biggest steroid provider in Central Florida and that he sold mostly to professional athletes, including those on the Washington Capitals hockey team and Washington Nationals baseball team.

The Thomases were arrested Tuesday after a tip from the Philadelphia office of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Sheriff Grady Judd said when the pair were arrested, detectives seized an estimated $200,000 in illegal steroids.

Richard and Sandra Thomas are each charged with 10 counts of possession of anabolic steroids with intention to sell and deliver; one count of possession of a firearm in commission of a felony; 10 counts of importation of anabolic steroids in Florida; and one count of maintaining a residence for selling drugs. Sheriff's officials said they lived at 1087 Stoney Creek Drive in Lakeland.


Authorities also confiscated a variety of weapons, which Richard Thomas told investigators were for his personal protection, Judd said. He said far from being uncooperative, Thomas openly bragged about selling steroids, though he wouldn't name names.

"I can tell you this, there will be a whole lot of people puckered up after the morning news,'' Judd said.

The sheriff said when Thomas was asked whether he had sold steroids to professional athletes, he replied, " "You name the sport, and I've sold steroids to athletes who play it."

Judd said the bust was the largest seizure of steroids in Polk County history and one of the largest in the region. He said Thomas told investigators he bought the steroids from around the world.

I know just what I like!

“This song is dedicated to my two favorite things: my boyfriend and my diabetes.”

Thank LATFH

Weezer Covering MGMT and Lady Gaga

Last night in L.A., at a T-Mobile sponsored event, Weezer covered MGMT's Kids and then transistioned into Lady Gaga's Pokerface...

DChino's Hipster of the Day

“Why yes, I do have ironic pubic hair.”

Pimpin IS easy

DChinos has never watched the show Cheaters, but after this video and the lesbian clown orgy clearly DChino's been missing out.

There are some women who probably just deserve to be turned out. DChino would say both of these women fall under that umbrella. When the other girl tries to leave around 3:00 and he comes over and in hushed tones says, “Shh, don’t go, I’m gon’ handle this,” that shouldn’t work. It’s like he’s working some Jedi mind tricks. He even gets the smug host to bend to his will. DChino's pretty sure that if any of us were in a room with this guy, he’d end up fucking our ears and garnishing our wages within minutes. That’s the power of words. And forcing a crack addiction on a woman so that she’s dependent on you. Both are equally effective on that front.

Mom's on the Net "FEEL THE POWER"!!!!!!!

Tap into the power of the NET! "Isn't that the place for techno geeks with spreadsheets?"

MEET JAPAN'S 73-YEAR OLD PORN SUPERSTAR

Our society still has this whole work thing backwards. Once a person graduates from college, they should be "retired" for the next 30 years and it should be funded by the government. Once we're 50, we join the workforce because we can't enjoy the fun aspects of life anymore because we're too old. The only way the current system still works is if we're all allowed to work in porn when we retire. It makes sense because when you're old, most of the people that would judge you for doing porn are already dead and it prevents you from having sex with old people which has to be horrifying even when you're old.

DChino's Japanese Video of the Day

JAPAN IS SO UNBORING
こんにちは、インターネットの世界で誰もが。それは、アメリカには美しい日です。DChino 今夜は、首都のペンギンホッケーに対する演奏されています。ハンバーガー好きDChino彼らは肉が好きですか？

DChino's Worst Nightmare with Iced Tea

DChino has never shit his pants at the sight of someone making iced tea before, so that’s an exciting, if not unwelcome, new development.

Steve Sutton, the guy in this film, originally found internet fame in 2006 when SomethingAwful chronicled his daily vlogs. You may think, “Hey, maybe this guy is playing a character for the Internet,” but you’d be wrong for that assumption, which so typical of you, Dissenting Voice in My Head. He’s legitimately a 44 year-old self-proclaimed asexual virgin who lives in a trailer with his mom who does these videos for fun. Which probably is a lot less glamorous than it sounds.

PenisTron Is Exactly What You Think It Is

Something tells DChino that this guy should be using his enormous brain to cure cancer or solve world hunger. Nah, he should totally be perfecting the fake vagina. What was I thinking?

Great Darkon? or the Greatest Darkon? You Decide

If this is legitimate, and for the love of all that is holy DChino hopes it is, this Darkon is undoubtedly the creepiest human being to ever exist on the Internet. Watch the whole thing to really appreciate it.



You know what’s a bad sign? When there are so many creepy things going on in a video that you can’t really single one out. This Darkon tackles “recycling his own semen” to preserve his sperm count, spanking himself, wearing adult diapers/crapping himself, and then, the capper, is his childlike room filled with toys and posters.

DChino would be honored to see you on the Burtonsville recreational park battle field the first saturday of every month, dark knight. We'll bring the apple juice and orange slices.

Blog of Hilarity

DChino Wants to Know: Who Are YOU Now?

If there's a better reason to dance than celebrating the embarrassment of untimely boners - DChino doesn't know it.

Everything is Terrible

Scatman John: Japanese Style

If you're anything like DChino, you often wonder how amazing a Japanese game show version of Scatman John's classic hit would sound like. Whelp readers, here's your answer.



Japan Probe

The Search for the Internet's Biggest Creep Continues...

It just seems like smoking in the shower would be counterproductive. How badly do you need nicotine anyways? Are these 20 minutes in the shower really going to break you? DChino needs to know more.

Blog of Hilarity

DChino APPROVES OF CLOWN MURDER

Couche-Tard is a Quebec-based convenience store that awesomely rhymes with “douchetard.” And their new ads for the “Sloche” — the French-Canadian version of the Slurpee — feature a clown being hacked to pieces and run through a wood chipper (see videos below). It’s vindicating to watch the clown die, but unsettling because he laughs the entire time.

Company spokeswoman Jacinthe Harnois said adults may finds the ads distasteful, but they are not the ones being targeted….

She adds some people may be shocked watching the videos but she jokes the clown is just happy doing his job. [Marketing Mag]

I read somewhere that it’s outdated and passe to be afraid of clowns, and it’s times like that that wish DChino could punch people through the Internet, because clowns are the only thing that are scarier than heights. They even weird me out more than midgets. Oh God, if DChino ever met a midget clown at the top of the Sears tower, I’d probably just crap my pants until I died.

Paula Abdul — pictured here with Orlando Magic center Shaquille O’Neal — opened up to Ladies Home Journal about her addiction to painkillers? Well, she was probably high on painkillers when she said that, because now she’s saying she didn’t say that. Follow?

Paula Abdul said on WKQI’s Mojo in the Morning radio show today that the quotes in the Ladies Home Journal article referenced below are fabricated…

“It was very stressful for me to hear that and to be quoted saying something I never said,” she explains. “I’ve never checked into a rehab clinic. I’ve never been addicted or abused drugs, and I’ve never been addicted or abused alcohol. I’ve never even been drunk in my life.”

Yup, that’s right. Ladies Home Journal interviewed Paula, but it wasn’t interesting enough, so they totally fabricated a painkiller addiction story about someone who’s obviously addicted to painkillers. Thank goodness that Paula Abdul — a woman known for her eloquence and clear minde — could right this journalistic wrong. Shame on you, Ladies Home Journal! That’ll teach you to print the things Paula Abdul told you in an interview!

Just Blade!

These sweet blade dudes and radical blade ladies are sent from the neonest decade of them all to show us that rollerblades are, after all, totally sweet.

Jews are the new Christians

CHAMBERSBURG DEATH WISH!

State troopers seized a computer from the home of a 17-year-old Central Pennsylvania boy who, they said, threatened to kill Washington Capitals star Alex Ovechkin in a post on a hockey Web site.


The Chambersburg teenager has been questioned but has not been charged in connection with the death threat, which read, "I'm killing Ovechkin. I'll go to jail. I don't care anymore," Pittsburgh Lt. Kevin Kraus said.

The Capitals notified Pittsburgh police about the threat Wednesday night after discovering it on a Penguins message board, he said. State police joined the investigation after the threat was traced to the boy's home in Chambersburg, about 160 miles east of the city.

Kraus would not disclose the boy's name because he is a juvenile.

"Based on the severity of the threat, we are taking it very seriously," Kraus said, adding that there was no indication that the teen came to Pittsburgh for Wednesday night's game nor that he will be in the city today for Game 4.

Police aren't sure why Ovechkin was targeted, but Kraus said he was the only player who received a threat.

"We became aware of an inappropriate comment on a message board and referred it to the appropriate authorities," said a statement the Capitals issued yesterday. "We appreciate their diligence and have every confidence in our club's safety."

It was unknown what, if any, additional security measures the Capitals will take, but Kraus said the team has not requested security from Pittsburgh police.

kittens inspired by kittens

DChino's little sister got ahold of a book about kittens and the rest is history-

5 year old white boy 5 year old black boy

Can you tell a difference in talent here? 

thanks chinaman

DCHINO's Ode to Swine Flu

Due to recent events due to the Swine Flu, DChino has to come up with its own theory on why SwineFlu came about. These following pictures should answer some questions (actually just DChino's favorite pig pictures combined into one post)-

Doggy Style

As Miss A has taught us, rape is never funny. UNLESSSSS it’s done by a dog on a grandma for 40 seconds while everyone in the family just stands there watching.



Fashion for Paws meets Rape - Mrs A's dream cause?

DChino thinks so.

Annoying Bitch Discusses Sex Traffic

DChino is not too sure why Mrs. A is still friends with Dchino on facebook but nonetheless she has yet to DE-friend. Today, the self proclaimed "female jesus of fake fundraising and horribly irrelevant charities" has created much of a stir on Facebook.
Andrea Rodgers, the DC's most annoying and self centered alien beast, has just posted on her wall a terrible and misguiding  facebook status-
"Andrea Rodgers - Having sex with a trafficked woman or child is rape."

DChino took time to read her post and so now DChino must take a little time to try to understand what the fuck she is talking about.  Assuming that she is talking about prostitution of underage children than yes, of course, it is a horrible thing and it is rape. BUT, why in the world are you telling us this? It makes about as much sense as Swine Flu in Jerusalem.  

Please Andrea Rogers do DC a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sincerely, 

DChino

Scary dude from Lost is a Creepazoid!

One of the biggest reasons to watch “Lost” — other than the murderous cloud of sentient smoke — is the epically creepy performance by Michael Emerson, who plays Benjamin Linus. He’s the only guy who can get the crap beat out of him in a concrete cell and make it look like it’s all part of his master plan.

Emerson went on “Late Night” a week ago (yeah, DChino isnt always timely) and Jimmy Fallon asked him to read the nursery rhyme “Little Boy Blue.” The result: your children will never sleep again.

Oh, and if you didn’t watch “Lost” last night, somebody died. Spoiler alert. Damn, DChino always forget and put it after the reveal. My bad.

Boob Job + Travis Barker = Miss Cali

Carrie Prejean wasn’t crowned Miss USA, and gay marriage supporters didn’t name her Miss Congeniality, but she is winning the Miss Please Leave the News Cycle title hands-down. Not only does the reigning Miss California appear in a new ad for the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), but now Shanna Moakler has confirmed that the Miss USA organization paid for Prejean’s breast implants just weeks before the pageant.

Show here with Travis Barker-
“It was something that we all spoke about together,” Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna’s co-executive director. “It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision.”[...]

“Breast implants in pageants is not a rarity. It’s definitely not taboo. It’s very common. Breast implants today among young women today is very common. I don’t personally have them, but you know — they are,” she added. [source]

For the record, Moakler is a co-executive director of the Miss California organization who has held the titles of Miss New York, Miss USA, and Miss December. ZING/RAWR!

BRITS + DWARVES + BLINK 182 + A CAPELLA

You guys. Okay. Try to keep up: There’s this place across the Atlantic Ocean called Great Britain. They have a television station called the BBC. On the BBC is a show called “All the Small Things,” which is actually a reference to Blink-182’s album song of the same name. And on this show a choir sang an a capella version of the band’s 1999 hit song “What’s My Name Again?” And a dwarf gets a solo.

And there are people out there who say the Internet is a bad thing.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Chicken is Delicious

What happens when Popeye’s runs out of chicken in Rochester? The news interviews a bunch of unhappy black people.

Music Pick of the Day

Watch Eye of the Tiger Kids on CollegeHumor

Here’s a bunch of children singing Survivor’s “Eye of The Tiger,” via College Humor. And some people would say that they’ve made the song their own. They took one of the great power ballads of all time and turned it into a candlelight vigil. Without the candlelights, which is understandable. If they’d used candles, they might have burned down that entire building–with them inside. So what I’m saying, kids, is: next time, let’s try it with candles.

With Leather

Rangers Caps Game 7 outfit

This is the outfit DChino's friend will be wearing tonight for game 7!
This guy had the guts to sit in MSG for games 4 and 6 wearing the same outfit.

You Think Your Day Sucked?

Just check out this guy.

DChino's Music Pick of the Day

Phoenix - Lisztomania (brat pack mashup)

ShamPow (Update)

You all might remember our dear friend Vincent Shlomi - pitchman for the Shamwow - who was recently involved in a scuffle with a hooker in a South Beach hotel room. Welp, apparently he's back shilling products...here's his latest:

Oops

Yesterday a visibly out of control Shepard Smith dropped what has to be the most intentional-sounding f-bomb in Fox News history.



The moments after the incident are the best, when he looks around almost drunkenly, blinks, wobbles his head, and says dramatically: "Ooops." And then he appears to be looking off-camera, presumably to see if he still has a job.

Videogum

Beyond Terrible

I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce is at singing. If you've ever wondered what a cat sounds like when it's being tossed down a flight of stairs, welp, here's your answer.

Phil Mickelson Will Call You Out; Has a Hot Wife

The Scotsman wrote a story about Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods at the Masters, blah blah blah, they don't like each other. The article does include this little exchange between Mickelson and Nick Faldo at the Champions Dinner at the Masters that basically makes DChino like Mickelson about 420 percent more than before.

Phil (loud enough for everyone to hear): "Gee Nick, I didn't realize that you are such a big guy. How come you used to hit it so short?"

Faldo: "Listen Phil, when you shoot 19 under par to win the Open at St Andrews you can start giving me a hard time."

Phil: "I understand that. But how come you hit it like such a pussy?"

Faldo: "I played golf the proper way."

Phil: "Yeah, like my wife."


BOOM ROASTED.

Also, Faldo's comeback was about Tiger? He couldn't have said something like, "Well, you man-boobed pansy, unlike Winged Foot, I tend not to hit tee shots off tents when I'm leading an Open Championship. If you want, you can swing by sometime and check out my six major championships." He had to lean on Tiger about it? Weak sauce, Faldo.

Dogs Chasing Cars

San Diego (not so-super) Charger

EMBED-How Not To Tailgate - Watch more free videos

A be-poloed lad at a Chargers-Colts tailgate has a bit of a problem holding his booze after taking a beer bong hit and goes headfirst into a nearby grill. But marvel at the way a drinking calamity brings out the frenzied best in rival fans, even if that means a cacophony of unhelpful commands. I especially like the suggestion that someone give up the Mandible Claw to induce vomiting. Bonus irony points for “Wrong Way” blasting in the background as the fail plays out.

KSK

Monroe Society Earth Day Party @ the Rookery

Last night at the Rookery The Monroe Society held their annual Fashion for Earth Day party. DChino was given exclusive access to the event. The Party started off slow until Marcy (larger lady in pink) let out a large and uncharacteristic flachulation. In response to her uncontrolled action she screamed HAPPY EARTH DAY, and so the night began. With Range Rovers and Land Cruisers parked out back, the night was full of surprises all in the name of mother earth.

With that being said most people weren't aware of yesterdays's little-known special holiday. So DChino and the Rookery thought we'd remind you to drive a hummer, leave your lights on, or pour oil on a duck to celebrate "F*ck The Earth Day" on April 23rd. It's important - and remember, global warming is a myth - would the silver fox, Jack English, lie to you?

DChino doesn't think so.

The E:60 Ovechkin Profile

Late last week DChino gave you the heads up on E:60's upcoming profile of Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin. Yesterday, ESPN aired the piece, which you can watch in its entirety right here. I don't want to give any spoilers, but I will say that Ovechkin is in rare form.

Fans of Don Cherry, Sidney Crosby and local speed limits will not be pleased.

Fanhouse

EFF U!

The first time DChino will agree with Philadelphia


thanks jb

Darkon Prom 09

It’s that time of year again, and despite none of the high school girls we buy beer for holding up their end of the bargain and inviting us to prom we’re still capable of recognizing when a prom goes bad. Here are some of the awesomest examples of Darkon Prom 09. 

Bond Darkons
Blazers Darkons
Winnie the Poo Darkons
Mossy Oak Darkons
Scottish Darkons
Star Wars Darkons
Miami Darkons
Patrick Batemen Darkons

Passion Pit- Reeling

At first you think you're watching another mtvU generic trendy edgy yet crisp music video, but as the party hits you towards the end, you can't help but get excited.

Passion Pit - The Reeling from Fabio Pessoa on Vimeo.

Guido Beach

DChino's favorite response on the YouTube message boards on this one-
From- bassfreak66
Fucking scum of the earth

Why are all the good tsunami's wasted on other beaches? They should all get together and fuck this place up
im .. im speechless how nobody has nuked that fucking cess pit yet

------
Come on BassFreak66 we are all tax paying American's here.

Creepy Old Guy Singing Pretty Woman

God is good. God has sent us this angel to sing a Roy Orbeson classic.

This guy needs an agent! JK, wait DChino is sure this guy has an agent. If you have six minutes, check out yesterday's video, in which The Creepy Old Man does face-dances to The Danse Macabre. And he has a whole channel, where he calls himself "The Schnoz" and is obsessed with wheelbarrows. Sometimes DChino thinks the internet loves us and wants us to be happy.

I AM STRAIGHT!

DChino has been struggling all day with whether or not to post this video of a blogger insisting on his heterosexuality, because the truth is DChino has RULES here about who we make fun of, and DChino still doesn't trust you monsters to iBite your e-Tongues when it comes to commenting obvious mean jokes you should know better than to make about terribly sad people on YouTube who don't need your hackneyed hate. This is not that type of website. But after watching this (nine minute) video twice, in its entirety, DChino came to the realization that DChino's not even sure this guy needs to be made fun of! Either way, it's amazing. And hilarious. And DChino shouldn't have to suffer/enjoy this alone, so let's just share this mesmerizing, incredible video together. Like a FAMILY.

Seriously, this guy is like a mind-blowing logic factory, churning out a blown mind with every pull of the logic lever.


It's a nice companion piece to his previous video in which he claims an episode of Family Guy (naturally) is further evidence of the FACT that "homosexual and gayness" is "detestable" and "just plain wrong." Perfect. This guy has it all figured out.

Susan Boyle The next Jenna Jameson?

In the worst news DChino has ever heard, a porn company is offering $1 million to Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle to make a video in which she loses her virginity.

According to a press release from porn company KickAss Pictures, the company is offering $1 mil for the rights to the 47 year-old budding star’s hymen. Quotes from KickAss president Mark Kukilis:

“The logical extension of that statement is that she’s still a virgin. We have always wanted to produce a movie in which a bona fide virgin loses her maidenhood on camera. That’s a very personal, intimate moment in a woman’s life. Doing it in front of bright lights and cameras in a San Fernando Valley studio will make it that much more special.”

“We want real sexual chemistry. Since we have no way of knowing what Susan’s ‘type’ is, we’ll introduce her to a variety of gentlemen of different races, ages and um, ‘endowments.’ Personally, I think she and Ron Jeremy would be a perfect match.”

Yes, because they both look like beached orcas with Chia mustaches (though Susan’s seems to be falling upwards to the brow area). I get that this is the new thing porn companies want to do, but what’s keeping this woman from doing it? It’s not like she has anything else and, while her singing is lovely, she’s really just mediocre by professional singer standards. She also seems somewhat developmentally challenged (though that might just be a result of being Scottish). So you combine all these factors and the fact that, really, what man is going to find a 47 year-old who looks like this, recording deal or not, to be a catch? All of this results in the simple logic that, hey, why not take that deepdicking?

In related news, DChino would rather have his head cut off and be forced to watch himself get raped by the al Qaeda basketball team (they’re a powerhouse within the terrorist intramural circuit) than sit down and watch this potential porn. DChino would be more likely to get off by accidentally sitting on an upright wiffleball bat.

Thanks BOH

Russian Spy!

It's not even 11 a.m., but the games have already begun here at MSG.

Moments after the Rangers hit the ice for the morning skate, Washington star Alex Ovechkin emerged from the visitors' dressing room alone, took a seat on the Caps' bench and watched intently. After a few minutes, Caps PR guru Nate Ewell came over to Ovechkin and tapped him on the shoulder.

DChino was told the Rangers asked Ewell to tell Ovechkin leave the bench but offered him a seat in the stands. Ovechkin stood up, smirked and walked back to the dressing room.

While it's not totally unusual for an opposing player to sit in the stands while the home team skates, it is unusual for an opposing player to sit on the bench.

Turns out Rangers boss John Tortorella had apparently asked Ovechkin to vacate the bench. The Caps PR folks offered Ovie a seat in the stands instead. He declined.

Now Live with the Blackhawks reporter-- "COCKSUCKER!"

Shouldn't the first thing a TV producer says to his reporter be something like, "OK, so we're going to cut to you live and you give your report." And shouldn't the first thing a reporter think when he's told this information be something like, "OK, don't say "cocksucker" because you're on live TV"? Huh, guess not.


EMBED-Reporter Says Cocksucker On Live TV - Watch more free videos

ESPN TALKS WITH THE RED JESUS

Hockey fans in the U.S. love to complain about how ESPN gives the sport short shrift on SportsCenter, so I guess it's only fair to note that the network's E:60 program will be doing a profile on Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin next Tuesday night, April 21, at 7:00 p.m. ESPN's Rachel Nichols not only talks to Ovechkin and a few of his teammates, she also made time to talk to Caps owner Ted Leonsis, Don Cherry and Wayne Gretzky. Enjoy the preview clip.


E:60 Alex Ovechkin Preview from ESPN Communications on Vimeo.
Thanks Fanhouse

How Easy is Sports Reporting?

DChino is pretty sure many of you think you could do a sports radio talk show. Yet in reality, its probably a lot harder than one thinks. Just think about all the bullshit you have to come up with, and to talk hours on end with out stopping... not an easy task. Hey DChino knows what you're thinking,"if Chick Hernandez can do it so can I", well now's your chance.

WNST radio in Baltimore is having an open tryout for its afternoon sports show, and you all know what this means. Boom goes the dynamite.

Chris here probably won't be be getting a call back.

DChino had to add this one just for historical purposes-

thanks Asian

Pirate Kills by Presidents-

For Your Consideration

DChino's Music Pick of the Day-

Today's DChino's Music Pick of the Day has been provided by one of our readers from St. Louis. Thanks little guy and good luck as the Blues push forward.
Justice- Genesis

Will Ferrell To Appear on Man Vs. Wild

Will Ferrell will appear in a June episode of “Man Vs. Wild” as part of a synergistic alliance between Discovery and Universal Pictures. The details, from Variety :

In the episode, Ferrell joins Grylls in the far north of Sweden, where they spend 48 hours performing tasks such as rappelling down hundred-foot frozen waterfalls, tandem-abseiling off a helicopter and staying warm overnight in subzero temperatures. The two also find food in the forest, improvise snow shoes and drink their own urine.

“Will did an amazing job in subzero, very unforgiving conditions,” Grylls said. “He trusted me when it mattered, and we survived. … He should be very proud of how he performed.”

Phew! They survived! Those hard-ass producers put the lives of their show’s host and a huge Hollywood star in danger, but Bear Grylls came through when it mattered! Bear should be proud. Take the rest of the day off, bro. Spoil yourself with a nice big slice of elephant crap.

Darkons Mark Their Territory as Playoffs Commence

In true Darkon fashion, the nerds from section 432 snuck down to the lower level of the Verizon Center and left their mark. DChino has to admit... it kinda looks sweet!

The "Your Business Card Is Crap" Guy Teaches Us How To Pack

DChino's audience was so intrigued by last weeks post "Your Business Card Is Crap" that DChino decided to do a little research. What DChino found was an astounding video by the same guy. It turns out his name is Joel Bauer, and he's one of those famous-in-a-very-small-world "Passion And Profit" motivational speakers (and is also called an "infotainer" and and "weath mentor.") Turns out, Joel has put his own videos up on Google Video, like this one, where he indulges his fans by showing them, in detail so reminiscent of a less dapper Patrick Bateman that it'll blow your mind, how he packs his luggage before a speaking engagement. DChino hasn't ever posted something this long, but luckily, the craziness starts at :01 and doesn't let up until 20:54, so you can enjoy it for as long as you want, but if you're like me, you won't be able to look away.

This suitcase is "airtight like a frog's butt"

Caps Rangers Preview

Darkons Welcome You to the Playoffs!

Because the Washington Capitals are entering the Stanley Cup Playoffs tomorrow, DChino decided to take a field trip to meet some of the fans from section 432 in the Verizon Center. It just so happens that the fans of this section have their own website. If you are not familiar with Darkon, please feel free to watch this film Darkon

From perusing the Darkon homepage, DChino was able to locate the whereabouts of the next Darkon battle. DChino intercepted this ancient map and were able to find their geographic location
View Larger Map
DChino parked his car next to the Darkon chariots (ie honda elements and scions)and slowly approached the battlegrounds (ie Midland Elementary School) to find hundreds of Capitals fans from section 432 screaming bloody murder, as they fought for their freedom.

Taken aback, DChino decided not to walk onto the proving grounds (middle school soccer fields); rather, DChino waited in Laconia's encampment (the basketball court).

The warriors were getting famished so they partook in a feast from the gods (McDonalds- see picture below)

DChino was then introduced to the assassin, Voltor, son of Laxton III. He described the ins and outs of Darkon to DChino - the alliances, the monetary system, the love affairs, etc. Voltor, son of Laxton III, then went on describing his aspirations for the Washington Capitals in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. He talked about the powerplay being ready to face New York's stingy defense and how he believes Jose Theodore is ready for the biggest test of his life. Only seconds later, he ran back onto the battle ground (soccer field) to embrace the battle he came there for. Screaming "DESTINY" he struck his enemy with a piercing death blow to the midst of the chest. (please note Voltor, son of Laxton III, below - he is the one in the metal gear).



Although videos are strictly prohibited from Darkon, DChino was able to escape the realm of death (Midland Middle School) with this captured moment!

German Jumps into Polar Bear's House

Polar bears are known for being douchebags. They’re always starting fights in bars and making racist comments under their breath at inopportune times. So it should come as no shock that when a fat lady (brilliantly) decided to jump into their midst, they don’t handle it with much grace.

    The 32-year-old leapt over bars at Berlin Zoo during the bears’ feeding time yesterday.

    Despite six zookeepers’ efforts to distract the four predators kept in the enclosure, the woman was bitten several times on her arms and legs.

   It is not known why the woman pulled the dangerous stunt but she initially appeared to be elated as she swam towards a bear in the enclosure. The only explanation is that she is German.  It is not easy to access the enclosure, which is surrounded by a fence, a line of prickly hedges and a wall.

To learn more about Polar Bears in their natural habitat feel free to delve into this-

WORST. BOXER. EVER.

This boxing video looks like it’s already made the rounds, but it’s new to DChino, just like that mullet must feel contemporary and innovative to North Carolina’s own Brian Sutherland. The boxing database BoxRec reports that Sutherland never fought again after this appearance on USA’s Tuesday Night Fights, and after you see him in action against Liverpool’s own Kenny Rainford, it’s rather obvious why.

Because he sucks. Nonetheless HBO decided to make a series about his life "East Bound and Down".


withleather

DChino's Japanese Video of the Day!

When walking through Shibuya Tokyo try to keep your eyes open for random acts of weirdness.

Philadelphia Raises Its Championship Flag, Acts Accordingly

Typical- After one day of the regular season, there is already an impressive YouTube of Phillies fans swinging at each other like drugged baboons. We are the champions...of idiocy.

And it wasn't even Dollar Dog Night. But Phillies fans are not used to feeling superior and continue to adjust. Even though the frustration of 28 championship-less years has more or less disintegrated, there's obviously still a lot of bite with these puppies. A simple discourteous shove in Ashburn Alley turns into a half-clenched swipe from a kid toward what appears to be a much older man. Respect the elders, please. Even the drunk ones.

Of course this wasn't the only incident of fist-flying action at CBP on opening night. Nope, an off-duty police officer also caught a fist to the face from a seething tailgater. Luckily, the officer caught some distinguishing characteristics about his assailant:

The man has blond hair and a tattoo of the Eagles' team logo on his back and may have been driving a 2000 white Honda, police said.

Okay so that narrows it down to about, oh, 40,000 suspects in South Philadelphia alone.

deadspin!

Barbie- Tramp Stamp

The next movement in the skankification of the American girl-child is Barbie-administered temporary tattoos, which will prepare our girls for the body modification they will need to attract those big Hooters tips. Get a tramp stamp just like Barbie. DChino suggests stamping a butterfly on the small of your back.... just to be different!

22 Year Old Becomes Mayor

“Justin Nickels has 'ambition and guts and passion' and 'an unrivaled commitment to serve the public,' supporters are saying today — less than 24 hours after the 22-year-old was elected mayor of Manitowoc, Wisconsin by a 15-vote margin. Nickels, a grocery store cashier and college student, beat fellow Alderman Dave Soeldner, a 39-year-old civil engineer who holds a master’s degree from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, to be the city’s 27th mayor.”

While this may sound like a cool idea, let’s be honest, nothing good can come of this.
1) Former job at a grocery store cashier likely not awesome training
2) The kid is probably a virgin and is going to spend 70% of his days chasing ladies / looking for a Lewinsky
3) Hard to stumble back home to the mansion and past security from the bars at 3am
4) Tough to decide what’s more important, sorority formal or reforming the public health system

Although he looks like he’s wearing his older brothers car salesman suit, fortunately for Manitowoc residents, I am guessing not much actually happens in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin. DChino can't wait for Stephen Colbert to interview this kid.

thanks tastybooze

Your Business Card is Crap!

DChino listens to this guy. This guy has made DChino who DChino is today. So if you want to become like DChino (and are willing to pay $4 per business card) then listen to this guy DAMN IT!

P.S. take a look at the baby picture in the background.... poor kid :(

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Man! thats a Woman... umm

The video pretty much says it all. DChino just wants to add that this chick can smell her own farts at DChino's house whenever she wants!



Thanks Jazzy Jerome

DChino's Japanese Video of the Day!

Break out the facepaint, it’s time to impersonate some Black musicians!

1) Jackson 5?


2) Earth Wind and Fire?


3) King of Pop?

DChino's Daily Workout-

1)Getting those Explosive Legs-
If you want to get explosive legs that just scream implants, then take the workout advice of JJ Marsh Ironman Invitational Winner!

Remember you need a partner for this workout and usually someone of the same sexual orientation is best (ugh). 

2) Hydrate Japanese Style
Suntory wants you to know that its new Protein Water is for slim macho guys, not gorilla-like macho men. This drink is probably the best way to both gain some necessary proteins and get your ass kicked by luchadors at the same time.


3) Flexibility
Just get that nice long stretch in and feel the burn

Unattractive Awkward White Chicks, Film Music Video in Private Gated Community.

Rye, NY-
It has come to DChino's attention that four college drop outs from various private elitist liberal arts schools have just filmed a remake video of Britney Spears. The girls decked out in their Lilly Pulitzer outfits roamed the streets of their gated community to film "You Want a Piece of Me". DChino has come to the conclusion that women who wear Lilly Pulitzer usually have the figure of a 14 year old boy.   Lilly Pulitzer provides comfort and sanctity for women with a lack of chest and backside with the ability to wrap a pastel sweater across the area of lacking bust. 

While ghost riding one of their nanny's Honda accord one of the girls lost her cool at the camera man (girl in Middlebury Sweatshirt's father) and decided to bash the Honda's passenger side door into a tree. When asked about the incident the girl responded "I really don't care, that guy is always in my business and he was out of line.  Who do I need to Fuck around here to get a decent music video done." DChino then vomited. 
The band, known to the youtube world as The Unattractive Awkward White Chicks or UAWC, had a sleepover later that night where they practiced bulimia tricks on each other until they fell fast asleep.  The next morning the girls were each 2 lbs lighter, yet still ugly.

In 85 years of blogging DChino has fought hard against video's/people like this, please join us in bashing them in the review portion of the youtube video.

Thanks,

DChino