DChino is not too sure why Mrs. A is still friends with Dchino on facebook but nonetheless she has yet to DE-friend. Today, the self proclaimed "female jesus of fake fundraising and horribly irrelevant charities" has created much of a stir on Facebook. Andrea Rodgers, the DC's most annoying and self centered alien beast, has just posted on her wall a terrible and misguiding facebook status- "Andrea Rodgers - Having sex with a trafficked woman or child is rape."
DChino took time to read her post and so now DChino must take a little time to try to understand what the fuck she is talking about. Assuming that she is talking about prostitution of underage children than yes, of course, it is a horrible thing and it is rape. BUT, why in the world are you telling us this? It makes about as much sense as Swine Flu in Jerusalem.
Please Andrea Rogers do DC a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
One of the biggest reasons to watch “Lost” — other than the murderous cloud of sentient smoke — is the epically creepy performance by Michael Emerson, who plays Benjamin Linus. He’s the only guy who can get the crap beat out of him in a concrete cell and make it look like it’s all part of his master plan.
Emerson went on “Late Night” a week ago (yeah, DChino isnt always timely) and Jimmy Fallon asked him to read the nursery rhyme “Little Boy Blue.” The result: your children will never sleep again.
Oh, and if you didn’t watch “Lost” last night, somebody died. Spoiler alert. Damn, DChino always forget and put it after the reveal. My bad.
Carrie Prejean wasn’t crowned Miss USA, and gay marriage supporters didn’t name her Miss Congeniality, but she is winning the Miss Please Leave the News Cycle title hands-down. Not only does the reigning Miss California appear in a new ad for the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), but now Shanna Moakler has confirmed that the Miss USA organization paid for Prejean’s breast implants just weeks before the pageant.
Show here with Travis Barker- “It was something that we all spoke about together,” Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna’s co-executive director. “It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision.”[...]
“Breast implants in pageants is not a rarity. It’s definitely not taboo. It’s very common. Breast implants today among young women today is very common. I don’t personally have them, but you know — they are,” she added. [source]
For the record, Moakler is a co-executive director of the Miss California organization who has held the titles of Miss New York, Miss USA, and Miss December. ZING/RAWR!
You guys. Okay. Try to keep up: There’s this place across the Atlantic Ocean called Great Britain. They have a television station called the BBC. On the BBC is a show called “All the Small Things,” which is actually a reference to Blink-182’s album song of the same name. And on this show a choir sang an a capella version of the band’s 1999 hit song “What’s My Name Again?” And a dwarf gets a solo.
And there are people out there who say the Internet is a bad thing.
Here’s a bunch of children singing Survivor’s “Eye of The Tiger,” via College Humor. And some people would say that they’ve made the song their own. They took one of the great power ballads of all time and turned it into a candlelight vigil. Without the candlelights, which is understandable. If they’d used candles, they might have burned down that entire building–with them inside. So what I’m saying, kids, is: next time, let’s try it with candles.
You all might remember our dear friend Vincent Shlomi - pitchman for the Shamwow - who was recently involved in a scuffle with a hooker in a South Beach hotel room. Welp, apparently he's back shilling products...here's his latest:
Yesterday a visibly out of control Shepard Smith dropped what has to be the most intentional-sounding f-bomb in Fox News history.
The moments after the incident are the best, when he looks around almost drunkenly, blinks, wobbles his head, and says dramatically: "Ooops." And then he appears to be looking off-camera, presumably to see if he still has a job.
I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce is at singing. If you've ever wondered what a cat sounds like when it's being tossed down a flight of stairs, welp, here's your answer.
The Scotsman wrote a story about Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods at the Masters, blah blah blah, they don't like each other. The article does include this little exchange between Mickelson and Nick Faldo at the Champions Dinner at the Masters that basically makes DChino like Mickelson about 420 percent more than before.
Phil (loud enough for everyone to hear): "Gee Nick, I didn't realize that you are such a big guy. How come you used to hit it so short?"
Faldo: "Listen Phil, when you shoot 19 under par to win the Open at St Andrews you can start giving me a hard time."
Phil: "I understand that. But how come you hit it like such a pussy?"
Faldo: "I played golf the proper way."
Phil: "Yeah, like my wife."
BOOM ROASTED.
Also, Faldo's comeback was about Tiger? He couldn't have said something like, "Well, you man-boobed pansy, unlike Winged Foot, I tend not to hit tee shots off tents when I'm leading an Open Championship. If you want, you can swing by sometime and check out my six major championships." He had to lean on Tiger about it? Weak sauce, Faldo.
A be-poloed lad at a Chargers-Colts tailgate has a bit of a problem holding his booze after taking a beer bong hit and goes headfirst into a nearby grill. But marvel at the way a drinking calamity brings out the frenzied best in rival fans, even if that means a cacophony of unhelpful commands. I especially like the suggestion that someone give up the Mandible Claw to induce vomiting. Bonus irony points for “Wrong Way” blasting in the background as the fail plays out.
Last night at the Rookery The Monroe Society held their annual Fashion for Earth Day party. DChino was given exclusive access to the event. The Party started off slow until Marcy (larger lady in pink) let out a large and uncharacteristic flachulation. In response to her uncontrolled action she screamed HAPPY EARTH DAY, and so the night began. With Range Rovers and Land Cruisers parked out back, the night was full of surprises all in the name of mother earth.
With that being said most people weren't aware of yesterdays's little-known special holiday. So DChino and the Rookery thought we'd remind you to drive a hummer, leave your lights on, or pour oil on a duck to celebrate "F*ck The Earth Day" on April 23rd. It's important - and remember, global warming is a myth - would the silver fox, Jack English, lie to you?
Late last week DChino gave you the heads up on E:60's upcoming profile of Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin. Yesterday, ESPN aired the piece, which you can watch in its entirety right here. I don't want to give any spoilers, but I will say that Ovechkin is in rare form.
Fans of Don Cherry, Sidney Crosby and local speed limits will not be pleased.
It’s that time of year again, and despite none of the high school girls we buy beer for holding up their end of the bargain and inviting us to prom we’re still capable of recognizing when a prom goes bad. Here are some of the awesomest examples of Darkon Prom 09.
Bond Darkons Blazers Darkons Winnie the Poo Darkons Mossy Oak Darkons Scottish Darkons Star Wars Darkons Miami Darkons Patrick Batemen Darkons
At first you think you're watching another mtvU generic trendy edgy yet crisp music video, but as the party hits you towards the end, you can't help but get excited.
DChino's favorite response on the YouTube message boards on this one- From- bassfreak66 Fucking scum of the earth
Why are all the good tsunami's wasted on other beaches? They should all get together and fuck this place up im .. im speechless how nobody has nuked that fucking cess pit yet
------ Come on BassFreak66 we are all tax paying American's here.
God is good. God has sent us this angel to sing a Roy Orbeson classic.
This guy needs an agent! JK, wait DChino is sure this guy has an agent. If you have six minutes, check out yesterday's video, in which The Creepy Old Man does face-dances to The Danse Macabre. And he has a whole channel, where he calls himself "The Schnoz" and is obsessed with wheelbarrows. Sometimes DChino thinks the internet loves us and wants us to be happy.
DChino has been struggling all day with whether or not to post this video of a blogger insisting on his heterosexuality, because the truth is DChino has RULES here about who we make fun of, and DChino still doesn't trust you monsters to iBite your e-Tongues when it comes to commenting obvious mean jokes you should know better than to make about terribly sad people on YouTube who don't need your hackneyed hate. This is not that type of website. But after watching this (nine minute) video twice, in its entirety, DChino came to the realization that DChino's not even sure this guy needs to be made fun of! Either way, it's amazing. And hilarious. And DChino shouldn't have to suffer/enjoy this alone, so let's just share this mesmerizing, incredible video together. Like a FAMILY.
Seriously, this guy is like a mind-blowing logic factory, churning out a blown mind with every pull of the logic lever.
It's a nice companion piece to his previous video in which he claims an episode of Family Guy (naturally) is further evidence of the FACT that "homosexual and gayness" is "detestable" and "just plain wrong." Perfect. This guy has it all figured out.
In the worst news DChino has ever heard, a porn company is offering $1 million to Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle to make a video in which she loses her virginity. According to a press release from porn company KickAss Pictures, the company is offering $1 mil for the rights to the 47 year-old budding star’s hymen. Quotes from KickAss president Mark Kukilis:
“The logical extension of that statement is that she’s still a virgin. We have always wanted to produce a movie in which a bona fide virgin loses her maidenhood on camera. That’s a very personal, intimate moment in a woman’s life. Doing it in front of bright lights and cameras in a San Fernando Valley studio will make it that much more special.”
“We want real sexual chemistry. Since we have no way of knowing what Susan’s ‘type’ is, we’ll introduce her to a variety of gentlemen of different races, ages and um, ‘endowments.’ Personally, I think she and Ron Jeremy would be a perfect match.”
Yes, because they both look like beached orcas with Chia mustaches (though Susan’s seems to be falling upwards to the brow area). I get that this is the new thing porn companies want to do, but what’s keeping this woman from doing it? It’s not like she has anything else and, while her singing is lovely, she’s really just mediocre by professional singer standards. She also seems somewhat developmentally challenged (though that might just be a result of being Scottish). So you combine all these factors and the fact that, really, what man is going to find a 47 year-old who looks like this, recording deal or not, to be a catch? All of this results in the simple logic that, hey, why not take that deepdicking?
In related news, DChino would rather have his head cut off and be forced to watch himself get raped by the al Qaeda basketball team (they’re a powerhouse within the terrorist intramural circuit) than sit down and watch this potential porn. DChino would be more likely to get off by accidentally sitting on an upright wiffleball bat.
It's not even 11 a.m., but the games have already begun here at MSG.
Moments after the Rangers hit the ice for the morning skate, Washington star Alex Ovechkin emerged from the visitors' dressing room alone, took a seat on the Caps' bench and watched intently. After a few minutes, Caps PR guru Nate Ewell came over to Ovechkin and tapped him on the shoulder.
DChino was told the Rangers asked Ewell to tell Ovechkin leave the bench but offered him a seat in the stands. Ovechkin stood up, smirked and walked back to the dressing room.
While it's not totally unusual for an opposing player to sit in the stands while the home team skates, it is unusual for an opposing player to sit on the bench.
Turns out Rangers boss John Tortorella had apparently asked Ovechkin to vacate the bench. The Caps PR folks offered Ovie a seat in the stands instead. He declined.
Shouldn't the first thing a TV producer says to his reporter be something like, "OK, so we're going to cut to you live and you give your report." And shouldn't the first thing a reporter think when he's told this information be something like, "OK, don't say "cocksucker" because you're on live TV"? Huh, guess not.
Hockey fans in the U.S. love to complain about how ESPN gives the sport short shrift on SportsCenter, so I guess it's only fair to note that the network's E:60 program will be doing a profile on Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin next Tuesday night, April 21, at 7:00 p.m. ESPN's Rachel Nichols not only talks to Ovechkin and a few of his teammates, she also made time to talk to Caps owner Ted Leonsis, Don Cherry and Wayne Gretzky. Enjoy the preview clip.
DChino is pretty sure many of you think you could do a sports radio talk show. Yet in reality, its probably a lot harder than one thinks. Just think about all the bullshit you have to come up with, and to talk hours on end with out stopping... not an easy task. Hey DChino knows what you're thinking,"if Chick Hernandez can do it so can I", well now's your chance.
WNST radio in Baltimore is having an open tryout for its afternoon sports show, and you all know what this means. Boom goes the dynamite.
Chris here probably won't be be getting a call back.
DChino had to add this one just for historical purposes-
Today's DChino's Music Pick of the Day has been provided by one of our readers from St. Louis. Thanks little guy and good luck as the Blues push forward. Justice- Genesis
Will Ferrell will appear in a June episode of “Man Vs. Wild” as part of a synergistic alliance between Discovery and Universal Pictures. The details, from Variety :
In the episode, Ferrell joins Grylls in the far north of Sweden, where they spend 48 hours performing tasks such as rappelling down hundred-foot frozen waterfalls, tandem-abseiling off a helicopter and staying warm overnight in subzero temperatures. The two also find food in the forest, improvise snow shoes and drink their own urine.
“Will did an amazing job in subzero, very unforgiving conditions,” Grylls said. “He trusted me when it mattered, and we survived. … He should be very proud of how he performed.”
Phew! They survived! Those hard-ass producers put the lives of their show’s host and a huge Hollywood star in danger, but Bear Grylls came through when it mattered! Bear should be proud. Take the rest of the day off, bro. Spoil yourself with a nice big slice of elephant crap.
In true Darkon fashion, the nerds from section 432 snuck down to the lower level of the Verizon Center and left their mark. DChino has to admit... it kinda looks sweet!
DChino's audience was so intrigued by last weeks post "Your Business Card Is Crap" that DChino decided to do a little research. What DChino found was an astounding video by the same guy. It turns out his name is Joel Bauer, and he's one of those famous-in-a-very-small-world "Passion And Profit" motivational speakers (and is also called an "infotainer" and and "weath mentor.") Turns out, Joel has put his own videos up on Google Video, like this one, where he indulges his fans by showing them, in detail so reminiscent of a less dapper Patrick Bateman that it'll blow your mind, how he packs his luggage before a speaking engagement. DChino hasn't ever posted something this long, but luckily, the craziness starts at :01 and doesn't let up until 20:54, so you can enjoy it for as long as you want, but if you're like me, you won't be able to look away.
Because the Washington Capitals are entering the Stanley Cup Playoffs tomorrow, DChino decided to take a field trip to meet some of the fans from section 432 in the Verizon Center. It just so happens that the fans of this section have their own website. If you are not familiar with Darkon, please feel free to watch this film Darkon
From perusing the Darkon homepage, DChino was able to locate the whereabouts of the next Darkon battle. DChino intercepted this ancient map and were able to find their geographic location View Larger Map DChino parked his car next to the Darkon chariots (ie honda elements and scions)and slowly approached the battlegrounds (ie Midland Elementary School) to find hundreds of Capitals fans from section 432 screaming bloody murder, as they fought for their freedom. Taken aback, DChino decided not to walk onto the proving grounds (middle school soccer fields); rather, DChino waited in Laconia's encampment (the basketball court).
The warriors were getting famished so they partook in a feast from the gods (McDonalds- see picture below)
DChino was then introduced to the assassin, Voltor, son of Laxton III. He described the ins and outs of Darkon to DChino - the alliances, the monetary system, the love affairs, etc. Voltor, son of Laxton III, then went on describing his aspirations for the Washington Capitals in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. He talked about the powerplay being ready to face New York's stingy defense and how he believes Jose Theodore is ready for the biggest test of his life. Only seconds later, he ran back onto the battle ground (soccer field) to embrace the battle he came there for. Screaming "DESTINY" he struck his enemy with a piercing death blow to the midst of the chest. (please note Voltor, son of Laxton III, below - he is the one in the metal gear).
Although videos are strictly prohibited from Darkon, DChino was able to escape the realm of death (Midland Middle School) with this captured moment!
Polar bears are known for being douchebags. They’re always starting fights in bars and making racist comments under their breath at inopportune times. So it should come as no shock that when a fat lady (brilliantly) decided to jump into their midst, they don’t handle it with much grace.
The 32-year-old leapt over bars at Berlin Zoo during the bears’ feeding time yesterday.
Despite six zookeepers’ efforts to distract the four predators kept in the enclosure, the woman was bitten several times on her arms and legs.
It is not known why the woman pulled the dangerous stunt but she initially appeared to be elated as she swam towards a bear in the enclosure. The only explanation is that she is German. It is not easy to access the enclosure, which is surrounded by a fence, a line of prickly hedges and a wall.
To learn more about Polar Bears in their natural habitat feel free to delve into this-
This boxing video looks like it’s already made the rounds, but it’s new to DChino, just like that mullet must feel contemporary and innovative to North Carolina’s own Brian Sutherland. The boxing database BoxRec reports that Sutherland never fought again after this appearance on USA’s Tuesday Night Fights, and after you see him in action against Liverpool’s own Kenny Rainford, it’s rather obvious why.
Because he sucks. Nonetheless HBO decided to make a series about his life "East Bound and Down".
Typical- After one day of the regular season, there is already an impressive YouTube of Phillies fans swinging at each other like drugged baboons. We are the champions...of idiocy.
And it wasn't even Dollar Dog Night. But Phillies fans are not used to feeling superior and continue to adjust. Even though the frustration of 28 championship-less years has more or less disintegrated, there's obviously still a lot of bite with these puppies. A simple discourteous shove in Ashburn Alley turns into a half-clenched swipe from a kid toward what appears to be a much older man. Respect the elders, please. Even the drunk ones.
Of course this wasn't the only incident of fist-flying action at CBP on opening night. Nope, an off-duty police officer also caught a fist to the face from a seething tailgater. Luckily, the officer caught some distinguishing characteristics about his assailant:
The man has blond hair and a tattoo of the Eagles' team logo on his back and may have been driving a 2000 white Honda, police said.
Okay so that narrows it down to about, oh, 40,000 suspects in South Philadelphia alone.
The next movement in the skankification of the American girl-child is Barbie-administered temporary tattoos, which will prepare our girls for the body modification they will need to attract those big Hooters tips. Get a tramp stamp just like Barbie. DChino suggests stamping a butterfly on the small of your back.... just to be different!
“Justin Nickels has 'ambition and guts and passion' and 'an unrivaled commitment to serve the public,' supporters are saying today — less than 24 hours after the 22-year-old was elected mayor of Manitowoc, Wisconsin by a 15-vote margin. Nickels, a grocery store cashier and college student, beat fellow Alderman Dave Soeldner, a 39-year-old civil engineer who holds a master’s degree from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, to be the city’s 27th mayor.”
While this may sound like a cool idea, let’s be honest, nothing good can come of this. 1) Former job at a grocery store cashier likely not awesome training 2) The kid is probably a virgin and is going to spend 70% of his days chasing ladies / looking for a Lewinsky 3) Hard to stumble back home to the mansion and past security from the bars at 3am 4) Tough to decide what’s more important, sorority formal or reforming the public health system
Although he looks like he’s wearing his older brothers car salesman suit, fortunately for Manitowoc residents, I am guessing not much actually happens in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin. DChino can't wait for Stephen Colbert to interview this kid. thanks tastybooze
DChino listens to this guy. This guy has made DChino who DChino is today. So if you want to become like DChino (and are willing to pay $4 per business card) then listen to this guy DAMN IT!
P.S. take a look at the baby picture in the background.... poor kid :(
1)Getting those Explosive Legs- If you want to get explosive legs that just scream implants, then take the workout advice of JJ Marsh Ironman Invitational Winner!
Remember you need a partner for this workout and usually someone of the same sexual orientation is best (ugh).
2) Hydrate Japanese Style Suntory wants you to know that its new Protein Water is for slim macho guys, not gorilla-like macho men. This drink is probably the best way to both gain some necessary proteins and get your ass kicked by luchadors at the same time.
3) Flexibility Just get that nice long stretch in and feel the burn
Rye, NY- It has come to DChino's attention that four college drop outs from various private elitist liberal arts schools have just filmed a remake video of Britney Spears. The girls decked out in their Lilly Pulitzer outfits roamed the streets of their gated community to film "You Want a Piece of Me". DChino has come to the conclusion that women who wear Lilly Pulitzer usually have the figure of a 14 year old boy. Lilly Pulitzer provides comfort and sanctity for women with a lack of chest and backside with the ability to wrap a pastel sweater across the area of lacking bust.
While ghost riding one of their nanny's Honda accord one of the girls lost her cool at the camera man (girl in Middlebury Sweatshirt's father) and decided to bash the Honda's passenger side door into a tree. When asked about the incident the girl responded "I really don't care, that guy is always in my business and he was out of line. Who do I need to Fuck around here to get a decent music video done." DChino then vomited. The band, known to the youtube world as The Unattractive Awkward White Chicks or UAWC, had a sleepover later that night where they practiced bulimia tricks on each other until they fell fast asleep. The next morning the girls were each 2 lbs lighter, yet still ugly.
In 85 years of blogging DChino has fought hard against video's/people like this, please join us in bashing them in the review portion of the youtube video.
About a month ago, DChino was chatting with a local show booker about what our scene needs to rejuvenate it. He was adamant: "more garage rock bands." Equally adamantly, DChino replied, "No, that's what garages need." DChinoc ouldn't have known it at the time, but what we do need-- what everyone needs, really-- is more on the order of Micachu and the Shapes. You know, your everyday British trio who met at London's Guildhall School of Music and Drama but who pretend they're Liliput on the weekends. They are led by an unassuming girl named Mica Levi who looks 13, but who at 42 is still a prodigy - because that's what you call someone tabbed to write a score for the London Philharmonic and who's already put out a mixtape hopscotching between grime, dubstep, free-jazz and uh, spoken-word poetry. Is that too much to ask? This video that follows encompasses all of the things music needs right now. It is a piece of art!
Yes the "Grape Stomping Lady" is still the greatest youtube clip of all time but this could be cut from the same cloth! Darkons probably paid these hos some major money to train in the art of being an effing loser! Good thing they are pretty hot.
What can you even say about this? A black man who effortlessly climbs giant tree-like structures? Whose home is filled with balloons because everyone (everyone white) runs in terror from him? Whose body is then morphed into "black" toothpaste, and if we're going to analyze let's analyze: black toothpaste the grinding up and exploitation of which causes things to be whiter? I mean, it's probably a little more complicated than that, but in the end forget about it, Jake, it's Racist Toothpaste Commercial Town.
The Atlanta Thrashers may be one of the worst teams in the NHL, but they definitely schooled Alex Ovechkin on the big screen tonight at Philips Arena with the following "PSA" about hockey players doing bad commercials:
DChino has never seen any of the The Fast & The Furious movies and that's because DChino refuses to let society win. DChino refuses to let people like Paul Walker and Michelle Rodriguez have any of my money for any reason whatsoever because they suck as human beings. Vin Diesel on the other hand is pretty kick ass from Boiler Room so he's cool. DChino does like babes w/ awesome cleavage who have really bushy eyebrows. All they need is a slight brow trim to be really hot.
The Washington Wizards currently hold the 2nd worst record in the NBA at 18-60 and they have exactly 1 win in the division - But you know what, these guys are true professionals and DChino takes solace in knowing that these guys are still willing to show up to practice everyday with a tireless work ethic - always striving to improve.
A referee ordered a penalty to be retaken in a Sunday league football game when an opposition player broke wind as the ball was kicked. The Chorlton Villa player got a yellow card for the noise which was classed as "ungentlemanly conduct". The team, who conceded a goal on the second take, went on to win the match 6-4 against International Manchester FC at Turn Moss in Stretford, Manchester.
Villa manager Ian Treadwell said their conduct was "normally exemplary".
"One of our players 'broke wind' and only the referee heard it and he booked the player," he said. "The other player had the penalty saved because it was a bad penalty; it was nothing to do with any noise. They were as shocked as we were as to why."
Mr. Treadwell said he was waiting for the Football Association to contact them after it had received a report.
Don't let their generally friendly dispositions, love of maple syrup, and lack of a standing army fool you; Canada is a dangerous and violent land. Fact. Canadian violence is very different from American violence. Here in the good ol' USA we use guns (which are badass) - However, bullshit Canadian gun laws force their citizens into using knives, swords, and other devices fashioned with some sort of blade when hilariously threatening police officers and other local law enforcement.
Today's darkon of the day hails from Germantown, Maryland - his name is Andy Combs, AKA Sir Xoticus of the Nation of Nurgle (seen above on far right in his onyx wizard cloak). Unfortunately, his former love interest, Princess Diloria, was killed in action this past weekend at the "Bloody Axe campout" on the grand baseball fields of Burtonsville Public Parks & Recreation. As a result, he is back on the market for a new wench. We have already enlisted the great Ryan Clausen to help out the brave Sir Xoticus; however, if any of our female readers our interested - please contact us immediately and we will set that shit up.
Buying a hooker is hard. Not just because it’s illegal in many places but also because, if she’s too pricey, you have to find somewhere to hide the body. Fortunately, the Chinese people have solved that for us. 大波北姑: big breasted northern girl 青春陀地: youthful local (which suggests that this is hong kong, since 陀地 is cantonese slang for local) 白淨馬拉: fair-skinned malay 熱情寶妹: feisty filipina 狂野鬼妹: wild white girl (lit: raving wild evil-ghost little-sister).
Frankly, DChino thinks Feisty Filipina is undervalued. If DChino could buy futures stocks in festering professional whore vaginas, DChino definitely buy into that one. On the plus side, it’s nice to see that the Chinese really value our wild white girls. Raving Wild Evil-Ghost Little-Sister is a pretty elaborate way to describe a girl, especially when compared to “youthful local,” which is more of an accurate description for a fun park with slides and swingsets rather than it is a cumdumpster. DChino just wants my vagina sales to have a bit more pizazz, you know?
The Bruno trailer is here and you can watch it provided you’re older than 18 or smart enough to enter the birthdate of someone older than 18. DChino is pretty excited for this film and our expections are pretty lofty. Granted, Bruno is probably Sacha Baron Cohen’s weakest character, but good God, you can’t deny the man has enormous balls. The last two groups of people I’d ever play pranks on are insane rednecks with guns and rooms full of black women.
After countless hours of searching, DChino researchers have located the complete Kenny Powers audio book from this past season of Eastbound & Down. Enjoy.
Here are DChino's favorites:
“Just ask my second wife Tina. Yeah, she was a stripper.”
“I love women, every f-ckin’ one of ‘em. Even the ugly as sh-t ones. But don’t ask me to trust ‘em. Not even nuns. Because every pair of tits comes with a gapin’ hole of need.”
“I’ve been blessed with many things in this life. An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and the mind of a f-ckin’ scientist.”
“Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I just feel that America’s the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”
Last night at the Verizon Center Lebron James was walking down the hall after his horrible loss to the worst team in the NBA. Mr. James before leaving the phone booth ran into two of the greatest athletes of all time. He did not know what to do when he saw his two favorite hockey players, Alex Ovechkin and Nick Backstrom
DChino was able to ask Lebron a few questions about his meeting.
DChino: How's it going Lebron Lebron: I really dont have time to talk right now, I'm uhhh really busy (crossing his hands in front of him) DChino: We understand, our readers really just want know how it felt to meet Ovie and Nick Lebron: It was a dream come true, I'm so happy and fortunate that they took time out of their day to talk with me (talking awkwardly as if he was hiding something) DChino: So you are a big fan we take it Lebron: Huge, but I have to go (still acting awkward) DChino: HOLY SHIT DO YOU HAVE AN ERECTION? Lebron: This interview is over
just wait a second here this john guy just came back from the dead... the little ben was taken to the others by that schein sawyer and that little mashugana kate for medical attention in exchange for his innocence and never to return to darma... oy. how much more can we take? and what about sawyer's daughter, who names a poor girl clementine??? and i can't remember how kate knows clementine's mother???? and what about leaving that poor aaron with his grandmother. well atleast now that explains what kate did about him and why she went back to the island.. and when the hell is jack gonna know what the hell he's doing??? what's to become of said? oy. oy nit zu gleibn
Below is a how-to video - from the 80's - for parents called, "Getting Your Kids Into Commercials," in which children are compared to polo ponies who are beaten with sticks, and a little four-year-old girl named "Katie" is held up as the ultimate example of a worthless child.
Clearly, Katie can't do an effing thing right, and, since she obiously isn't a commercial natural - she should probably just go ahead and kill herself. There's only room in this world for TV ready 4 year olds - Is DChino right or is DChino right?
The best part about being President has to be the food. Medium rare steak as far as the eye can see and the world's finest cheese fries for every meal. The only problem is you have to get up really early in the morning, hang around a bunch of ugly old people and do hard work. It's just not worth it
The Arizona State University women's basketball team was getting stomped on by UConn yesterday, when Coach Charli Turner Thorne dropped perhaps the greatest line in a women's basketball halftime speech ever.
# #70 Study Abroad # #69 Mos Def # #68 Michael Buble # #67 Standing Still at Concerts # #66 Divorce # #65 Co-Ed Sports # #64 Recycling # #63 Expensive Sandwiches # #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People # #61 Bicycles # #60 Prius # #59 Natural Medicine # #58 The Idea of soccer # #57 Juno # #56 Lawyers # #55 San Francisco # #54 NetFlix # #53 Apple Products # #52 Sarah Silverman
These Glover Park-esque white folks have problems too!
Maybe someone should talk some sense into Ohio State cheerleader Josh Springer (Nerd above middle).
Josh, you get to hoist cheerleaders above your head, go to their parties, hang with hot women and now you’re going to throw it all away to stand on the sidelines for the Buckeyes?
Springer is just 6 intense cardio workouts away from making dreams come true for male cheerleaders who were always told they were too short, not fast enough or strong enough to be football players.
The Dayton Daily News (Ohio) reports that tomorrow morning Springer and fellow walk-ons will endure the first of those workouts that will separate the football players from the cheerleaders.
“It’s the true litmus test,” (OSU recruiting coordinator Greg Gillum) said. “There was a little bit of a cardiovascular evaluation in the walk-on process, but this will be 60 minutes of grinding, grueling cardio. They’ve never been through anything like this. Guys could disappear at any time.” That’s cool and all but we’re talking about a white guy with 4.47 speed which puts Springer in rare company.
If the exercises don't work, watch the video a couple dozen more times. You know what she is going to say before she says it! Congratulations, you are psychic!
DChino is all for positive reinforcement, but this is taking it a bit too far: NEWSDAY reports that a gymnastics coach in Port Jefferson Station, NY, has been fired and arrested after allegedly rewarding one of his students for nailing a difficult maneuver. Which sounds like a good idea, until you release that the “reward” was a bottle of rum, and the student was a 14-year-old girl.
While DChino understands that encouraging an athlete by giving them booze might work if the athlete in question is, say, Vin Baker or Eddie Griffin, it’s probably not such a great idea if we’re talking about a teenage girl. Which is why Steven Lamensdorf has been arrested and charged with unlawfully dealing with a child and endangering the welfare of a child, both misdemeanors.
As you can imagine, the gymnast in question is hardly an Amazon or a heavy drinker, so giving her a bottle of rum and letting her go to town is a pretty dangerous situation. The unnamed athlete had to be treated at a local hospital for alcohol poisoning after police said she drank “quite a bit of it” and that her “blood alcohol level was quite high.”
DChino has no idea why the coach thought this was a good idea, or how he thought this was going to end. The whole thing sounds like a plot line from “Eastbound & Down“that was rejected because not even Kenny Powers would be that stupid.
Although, to be fair, I probably would have worked my butt off if Lamensdorf was my coach in high school baseball. In fact, if there’s a free bottle of rum at the end of the rainbow, my softball team sure could use some coaching.
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